Shoes in Church

Someone sent this to me. It is touching. Something I try to instill in my children and in my life. Don't judge a book by its cover and sometimes a smile can change a person's whole life. Thought I would pass it on.

Shoes in Church:
I showered and shaved ... I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat ... In a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer ... As I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me ... Touching my own. I sighed.
With plenty of room on either side ... I thought, "Why must our soles touch?"
It bothered me, his shoe touching mine ... But it didn't bother him much.
A prayer began: "Our Father" ... I thought, "This man with the shoes has no pride.
They're dusty, worn, and scratched ... Even worse, there are holes on the side!"
"Thank You for blessings," the prayer went on The shoe man said ... a quiet "Amen."
I tried to focus on the prayer ... But my thoughts were on his shoes again.
Aren't we supposed to look our best ... When walking through that door?
"Well, this certainly isn't it," I thought ... Glancing toward the floor.
Then the prayer was ended ... And the songs of praise began.
The shoe man was certainly loud ... Sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters ... His hands were raised high.
The Lord could surely hear ... The shoe man's voice from the sky.
It was time for the offering ... And what I threw in was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached ... Into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out ... What the shoe man put in.
Then I heard a soft "clink" ... as when silver hits tin.
The sermon really bored me ... To tears, and that's no lie
It was the same for the shoe man ... For tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service ... As is the custom here
We must greet new visitors ... And show them all good cheer.
But I felt moved somehow ... And wanted to meet the shoe man
So after the closing prayer ... I reached over and shook his hand.
He was old and his skin was dark ... And his hair was truly a mess
But I thanked him for coming ... For being our guest.
He said, "My names' Charlie ... I'm glad to meet you, my friend."
There were tears in his eyes ... But he had a large, wide grin
"Let me explain," he said ... Wiping tears from his eyes.
"I've been coming here for months ... And you're the first to say 'Hi.'"
"I know that my appearance ..."Is not like all the rest
"But I really do try ... "To always look my best."
"I always clean and polish my shoes ... "Before my very long walk.
"But by the time I get here ... "They're dirty and dusty, like chalk."
My heart filled with pain ... and I swallowed to hide my tears
As he continued to apologize ... For daring to sit so near.
He said, "When I get here ... "I know I must look a sight.
"But I thought if I could touch you ... "Then maybe our souls might unite."
I was silent for a moment ... Knowing whatever was said
Would pale in comparison ... I spoke from my heart, not my head.
"Oh, you've touched me," I said ... "And taught me, in part;
"That the best of any man ... "Is what is found in his heart."
The rest, I thought ... This shoe man will never know.
Like just how thankful I really am ... That his dirty old shoe touched my soul.


Thank you for allowing my "dirty old shoe" to touch you.
Smile :)

Tagged by Hawkeye chick

THE RULES OF THE TAG ARE:

Each person posts the rules before their list, then list 8 new things about themselves. At the end of the post, that person tags 8 other people, or more letting them know that they have been tagged, and to come and read the post,so they know what they have to do.

1. My dad will be gone 6 years on September 17. I miss him every single day. I am still angry at him for not trying harder to get better. If he had tried to follow the doctors orders, he might still be alive today to see the kids grow up.
2. I resent SD and his wife. They live a better life because he will not help take care of his son. Not so much as a pair of socks. I have held up to my end of the bargain I wish he would have held up to his end.
3. I wish more than anything that DA's brother and sister would stay in contact with Miss J. She lost her dad's side of the family with the death of her dad and grandmother. She hurts everyday not knowing his family.
4. I hate when people walk around barefoot. Feet are meant to be covered at all times.
5. I am afraid to die alone. My dad died with a broken heart alone. He died with a bunch of regrets. I am afraid that will be me so I try to make the best out of every single day.
6. I really want the house with the white picket fence but not in the state I live in. I hate this state. I am reluctant to move because of Miss S, Miss G and Miss M. Somehow, someway, it would hurt them too much.
7. I miss Miss S very much. I am so disappointed her grandparents have taken her away from us. Hopefully, she will come around on her own when she is a little older.
8. I love camping and being out doors. An ideal day is lounging around outside with the kids or riding on ATV's; only I do not like bugs...any kinds of bugs...especially worms.

I think everyone has already been tagged...but if you haven't....consider yourself tagged!

PS: One more crazy thing....I want one more baby before I am 35.

I need a vacation!!

Getting ranger badges in Jewel cave.
My donkey friend in Custard state park

My favorite part. The bad lands and bubba.

Well we seemed to have outran that horrible storm in Wisconsin on Saturday and another one in Minnesota yesterday. Unfortunately, those storms found us again. There are here today and tomorrow. We had so much fun on our vacation, I need a vacation without the kids. We left on Friday morning and got home late last night.

10 states in 5 days. Sheesh. No wonder I am exhausted. These are some of our vacation pictures. I was out by Beth and Lulu and I think Susielou and Hawkeyechick. Cannot swear to it.

Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming, Iowa. Taking the kids in one car was not much fun I tell ya. All in all, they were on their best behavior even without duct tape. Hell I was getting antsy after driving so long. It took us 2 sleeps to get to Hot Springs. One in Wisconsin, one in South Dakota, one in Hot Springs, one in Keystone, one in Austin Minnesota and finally home. I hope next trip goes East.

For never leaving state before, the kids have gone to 20% of the US. Impressive if I must say so myself. Will share more photos soon.

Happy Birthday Bubba!!

Isn't he handsome? This picture was taken Memorial weekend last year. The little bugger has avoided the camera a lot this last year (he doesn't like his braces). Anyways, Bubba turns 14 today. Where has the time gone? Superdaddy and I have made bets that SD does not remember and call him and his step mother SDW will only text message him. He has not heard from his dad since the funeral for SD's grandmother. At the funeral, SD told him to make sure Bubba didn't make him a grandfather that SD was too young. Nice conversations I tell ya.

Below is a picture of Bubba's brother Mr. M. Bubba and Mr. M share a SD (sperm donor). Mr. M has not had any contact with SD in over 3 years. I keep in contact with Mr. M's mother for the boys' sake. It is not fair to them that their father is a looser.

Off to see "the faces on the mountain" tomorrow. Will share pictures upon return. Ever wonder how dum-dum pops are made? Will let you know when we get back as we are going to the dum-dum factory to see! Ta ta for now :)

These speak words...Chance of a lifetime

Even if we were teathered to a truck only going 30 feet off the ground, it was a blast. Will take a real ride soon enough.

Happy belated Birthday 12th Miss S. We miss you immensely. Wish you could have came by and went camping with us.

Catch ya after vacation!

Too cute not to share

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.

Upcoming vacation

I think I need some help finding patience. I have absolutely none lately.

We have been planning for almost 2 months to go on vacation out west. Well, we meaning my aunt, grandmother and I. We have it all figured out food, lodging money and admissions and such and what happens to come along? DQ called last night and informed me her kids were going to go on vacation with me. Superdaddy has to work and man the house so it is a solo vacation of sorts.

Now, I invited Miss G and Miss M to go with us during the early planning phase. DQ was not impressed with me taking the girls out of state without superdaddy going. In fact, she was totally against it. The children and I (meaning Miss J, Bubba, and Chicky) quit discussing vacation around the other girls. When Chicky was 9 months old, we went to Disney with my grandma and DQ wouldn't let the other girls go that time either and boy was that a huge mess afterwards. Lots of hurt feelings and comments being made about loving them less because they couldn't go with us. DQ insists her children are not going under any circumstances.

Fast forward to last night on my way home from work. Phone rings. DQ asks me if I need their insurance cards. Hello I am the insurance carrier for them. I ask her what I needed them for. She informs me vacation. HUH? She wants dates we are leaving and returning. Miss G really wants to go and is mad DQ will not let her go. So my kids have some new outfits for school that my grandma bought them to take on vacation and use for school afterwards. Grandma got them their own special luggage. Miss G has nothing. I went and got Miss G and Miss M the same luggage last night. Heck they can use the luggage when we go camping as well. Well apparently, Miss M doesn't want to go. Her mommy will miss her too much. That is fine by me. Well as of 10pm last night, she convinced Miss M to go too so now they both will be going. So my $500 vacation money will not be enough for the gas, hotel, admission, food and souvenir's. Oh yeah and the last 4 times it has been our weekend with the girls, Miss M has been crying about missing Mommy and wanting to go home. We will see if things change between now and next Friday when we leave.

Weekend reflection

This weekend was very nice. Superdaddy went up north on Saturday and I had some quality time with the girls. The neighborhood bowling alley had kids bowl free for 3 games on Saturday and shoes $ .99. How cool was that. They even had hot dogs and soda's for $ .99 as well. CHEAP DATE!!

Superdaddy has not been able to contact C. Even his cousin who told us what has been going on with her cannot locate her. I guess they moved again or something. This weekend is a family camp with the church so the kids and I will be going there and Superdaddy has to work. Perhaps Saturday when he comes home, either he can drive up to try to find C or come up to camp with us. We will have to wait and see. I should have some really cool pics to post from camping after next weekend. They have a Children's wish club that pays to come launch hot air balloon's from the campground this weekend. It was a lot of fun last year should be a lot of fun this year as well.

On another note, a family from our church shared some information that I would like to pass along. If you know someone in your area that could benefit from it please pass it along as well. This is the link to food assistance. It is available in many states. If your family could benefit, you contact your local church, pay $25 and get double the amount of food. There is a menu on that site that shows what they give you. There are no "requirements" for income or family size or such. They even take Food Stamp EBT assistance.

Hope every one's weekend was blessed and peaceful. Here's to another busy week. I think I am going to follow Amy's lead and try the Flylady approach to getting organized. Will have to get snapping on it.

Sincere Apology

I do apologize for any offence I may have caused by my post on Thursday due to content or language. Some things are said out of frustration and could be offensive. These are things that are going through my head and would have been written in my private journal if I had one. For my foul language; I apologize.

Things have been worse and I know that. I know things have come a long way since then, and things can go South quickly. Things are looking up.

We still do not know if C will be coming to stay with us or not. Superdaddy needs to talk to them and find out what is going on. We are just taking one day at a time.

Fun test courtsey of Snickollet

WTF NEXT???

WTF is going on in today's world? WTF is a person like me supposed to do? WFT? WFT?

To hell in a hand basket is where my life is going. Something has got to give. I am afraid to ask what next. When Superdaddys father was in town a couple weeks back, we went out to dinner with him and got some insight about one of his children.

Superdaddy's mom has 3 kids; SD, J, and P. Superdaddy's dad has 7 kids: Superdaddy, J, P, D, M, J, C. A while back, D & M got into trouble with their mother and with the law and we had to go "rescue" them. They stayed with us even though things were not well with us financially. Hell we lived in a 2 bedroom mobile home with Superdaddy and myself, Bubba, Miss J, D, M, Dog, Cat, and Miss S, Miss G, and Miss M visiting every other weekend and I was pregnant with Chicky. Have I lost anyone yet?

When we moved, D moved in with Superdaddys mom (not D's mom) and shit hit the fan with us. Chicky was born, we didn't have a pot to piss in, and D stole from Superdaddy's business. Big time. M could see the shit D was pulling and pulled away from D. D ended up going into the service as soon as he knew we wouldn't let M get into trouble and such. After P hit my friends car, and that shit hit the fan, M was stuck in the middle. M eventually moved into P's house and we haven't heard much since. Fine and dandy. Things have gotten settled in our cozy 2 bedroom house with 2 basement bedrooms. Somehow or another, C is not doing well. I don't know all the details as of yet, but apparently she contracted lice and her mom's boyfriend went around telling everyone she had lice, and they would not get her treatment for it. She is a teenager and some shit like that could be devastating to any child let alone a teenager. Superdaddy asked that C call him and talk directly. She may end up coming to stay with us for a while until Superdaddy's father can come back to the state. Now what? We are struggling and trying to stay afloat. How the hell are we going to afford another teenager to feed, and clothe, and house? And to think, we talked about having another baby in the near future. Sheesh. My teenager scares the shit out of me and possibly 2 teenagers?!?!?!?

Some people should not be allowed to breed. For shit's sake, the mom has 6 kids, the oldest being almost 21 and the youngest being 3 or so. Why is it that superdaddy has to raise his father's kids? I am tired of being the responsible one. The one to take care of everyone else. The kids' mother thinks when they are 13 or so they can raise themselves. WFT????

Proud of you Bubba

Where to begin. Bubba will be 14 in a little over 2 weeks. Damn that makes me feel old. He has been able to attend 3 summer camps this year with no help from sperm donor. The first was for Youth Leader skills. To help him become more of a leader instead of a follower. The second was for eagle scout specific classes. The third was this week for his troop camping. He has completed his final "eagle required" merit badge. Now all he needs to do is go up a rank (which he is really close to right now) and do an eagle project to benefit the good of someone else.

On family night, my son was asked to come back this week as a CIT. Basically grunt work. He will work his tail off for free as a "councilor in training". He gets to live in "Tent City" something he has wanted since forever; well since as long as I can remember. So this week he embarks on his 4th week of summer camp. Glad this week doesn't cost anything that is for sure.

DQ called Saturday. Apparently her cousin was getting married and she needed us to baby sit. Kills me I tell ya. So on her weekend, the girls came over. Them girls were so disappointed that I didn't take them to family night. DQ said NO they cannot go. We took them fishing on Sunday when we dropped Bubba off. So it looks like potentially, we will have the girls for the next 3 weekends if DQ lets them go on vacation with me and the kids (superdaddy has to work) to South Dakota to see "the faces on the mountain". We will have to see as she told the girls they could go to family night and wouldn't let them. Personally that is what I see happening again. Who knows, maybe I will take them across state lines and leave their sassy mouth's out west. Just kidding. Stay tuned for fishing pictures later today.

The girls fishing on the dock.

Chicky catching mom's favorite kind of fish: GRASS BASS!!

Happy Birthday Superdaddy!

For some reason, yesterday's post did not post?

Happy birthday Superdaddy. Sometimes there just are not enough words to tell you just how special you really are. Though the times have been rough and the road has been long, I love you more and more every single day. I missed spending time with you last night because of going to family night at B. Scout camp. I will make it up to you Friday :)

Dropping like flys

I am so very sorry coworker for your family's loss.

A co-worker has lost a beloved BIL. He was so young and seemed to have suffered a bit at the end. May the Lord's peace envelop and hold your family during this difficult time. You are in our thoughts and prayers today and everyday.

RIP co-worker Brother in Law. God's peace to the family and friends of the dearly departed.

Sometimes one just cannot win

I understand that the way I raise my children is not the way everyone raises their children. I totally understand and appreciate the differences. My children are not used to being outside from the time they wake up til the time they get picked up. When they are outside, 85% of the time either superdaddy or myself are out with them. Not that we don't trust our kids, but lets face it times have changed since we were kids.

NEWS FLASH!
The girls and I talked, apparently, at the substitute babysitters house, they are not allowed inside. Even if it rains. Ok I understand she is just a substitute sitter, and that being outside will not kill my children or cause them emotional scaring. Fine I can deal with that. How would one go about telling a friend of say....15 years, that you don't like the way they treat your children when they are there? I never would even think about doing that to her children. I mean, I pay her to watch them so it helps them out seeing how she is a stay at home mother and I send over food (like 2 boxes of cereal that I know will not get eaten in 5 days and lunch). I seriously am considering withdrawing my children from her home and asking NF to watch them as I know she treats my children better. You read that right NF. WTF?

Confrontation

So the confrontation happened with NF and it actually went better than I anticipated. I only hope she understands that I did it as a friend. Superdaddy and I talked and I told him my concerns. He agreed about my suspicions. He talked to NF hubs and told him what I thought was happening. I had already asked NF if she was using. Long story short, her hubs told her if she was going to use that she would lose me as a friend. She understood. Thursday and Friday at church was much better. She participated and was great with the kids. Thursday I confronted her. Sunday she came over and we rode bikes to church in the park and talked on the way there. Was real nice. Only she knows the truth, but she totally acted normal on Thursday, Friday and Sunday. Heck Saturday, NF and hubs, and the boy came over to barbecue. Things were normal. Perhaps she really was exhausted. Who knows. All I know is that life with an addict suck big time and I certainly hope and pray things work out. One way or another.

Dilemma

So how would one go about telling a "new friend" (NF) that I think NF is full of shit?

Background:
Said NF is actually the wife of superdaddy's friend. She is a nice gal. In recent past, NF was addicted to pain pills. She used to get them from work or something or other. I never allowed myself to become a close friend with her. Being the good mother that I think I am, I kept my distance for a long time. As in almost 5 years. In recent past like 6 months or so, NF confided in me that she is trying to kick habit and make friends and learn to live life without narcotic glasses on. She is trying to learn to enjoy life with the boy being sober.

Not the immediate trusting person I am (had an addicted hubby in past who overdosed and passed away), I kept conversations to telephone; always keeping purse in eye contact with minimal cash and carry as I have been burned in past with ex. NF's hubby is superdaddy's best friend from school. Everyone knows she had a drug problem. They (NF and hubs) have many issue because of drug using and that is really their business. They have a boy now who is almost 3. My children adore him.

Problem:
Recently, they have been going to VBS with the kids and I. Her and I have been talking and haning out somewhat, I have became more of a friend, and less cautious. Monday things were well. The boy had so much fun at church. She was a class helper and seemed to enjoy herself as well. Tuesday, she watched the girls for me while I went to work. When I picked them up, I noticed that her eyes were like watery almost glassy. Like she was high. She got a shower and went to church with us. Well, she was nodding out in church like in the middle of everything. Like eating, and activities. We were painting and she nodded out. Nodding out as in like my ex-POS used to do on heroin. That is really the sickest thing I have ever witnessed in my life and quite frankly, I had flashbacks. I will never forget witnessing that. My stomach churned. I know her choice is not heroin. It is prescription vicoden, zanax, and zoma's. It was still really disturbing to witness. NF claimed it was being exhausted from being up early watching my kids, and going to bed late Monday.

Fast forward to Wednesday. NF called to ask if I can take her boy to church so she can finish cleaning her house. NF told me when she called that her and hubs got into a huge argument about money and her not working. She is a stay at home mom and like most places, the economy sucks and money is tight everywhere. To add to that, the house was messy from her having all the kids there for the day and when I got there to get them, we went right to church. I agreed to take the boy so she can clean up before he got home from work. Her eyes were still kind of watery/glassy.

How do I tell her I think she is full of shit about being exhausted and I think she is using? I think if her hubs was bitching about money and such, she probably took money from the bank for her fix like she has in past. It really isn't my business but I really believe in my heart she has her poker face on and I don't want to play poker. Lets face it, I am constantly busy with life, work, kids, single parenting, church, scouts and I don't nod out or have glassy eyes when I am exhausted. There is always something to do and never enough time. I don't want to be around someone who is using. Nor do I want my kids around it.

DQ does it again

Ya know what really pisses a step-mom off? A DQ who tries to bribe her child. You heard me right. BRIBE her child!

So the girls were supposed to come on Sunday and DQ decided to keep them until Monday night. The girls will have to miss a day of VBS (Vacation bible school). She told us she was taking the girls to work on Monday that is why they couldn't come Sunday. Whatever. So she calls and tells me she has to pick the girls up then bring them over. I thought they went to work with her? Lying bitch.

So she pulls up in my drive and Miss G comes in all smiles and hugs and such. Miss M however is crying yet again. She tells her while I am standing there that when she comes home she will take her to get ice cream. She tells her if daddy doesn't want her over, she will come pick her back up. Like superdaddy don't want to see his kids. She tells her call me later and I will come back to pick you up if you want. DQ tells Miss M she misses her too much when she is not there. Once Miss M is at our house she is just fine. There is no more crying after the first night. It amazes me how much of a basket case she has made Miss M she is 6. Rather pathetic that DQ is so dependent on a 6 year old's feeling sorry for her mom.

See Miss G has always been a daddy's girl and Miss M has always been a mamma's girl. Fine and dandy, but for crying out loud, you should not use your children as pawns in your pathetic life. Especially as emotional weapons.

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Two years ago today, I married my best friend. We started sharing our lives together as a family and created a new family for the children. I love you more today than I did 2 years ago. Happy anniversary baby!

Goodbye my friends mom

I just found out about a death that is really hard to swallow. A childhood friend of mine her mother died last week. I found out about it last night and I totally missed the service. I guess the hard part about it all is that she wasn't very close to her mom. Her dad either for that matter. Her mom was sick for as long as I could remember. Some days, her mom was better than others depending on her medication. We used to curse her mom when she was off her meds. Her mom was one of the sweetest ladies around when she was on her meds. Though I have lost touch with my friend over the last 7 years or so, I think about her often and drive by her house more often. She is in my thoughts as is her dad. May her mom rest in peace and be my friends angel from above watching over her as she begins this difficult journey without her beloved mother. My friend, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Best Hubby around

Can I just brag about my hubby for one second?

This weekend was sort of rough at first but turned out to be wonderful. He had to work for like 80% of it. When he was tired and cranky, he found a way to fix my vehicle. The back door has been stuck for quite a while and would not open. He went out there and took out some aggression (i assume) by beating the hell out of it and VWALLA.....IT OPENS NOW!!

Thanks Superdaddy. Like you didn't have anything better to do :)

Nice Weekend

I sure hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Ours started out a little rough with Miss M not wanting to be there but turned out to be so much fun. I think the girls were glad to have some quality time with me and daddy all to themselves.

Friday was sort of quiet. My mom took us to Chinese food after work and well, it was nice that is until supermommy decided to be an ass of sorts. After we ate, I was messing around with the water glasses and made what looked like c0ke with soy sauce and sugar and water. Don't ask. We had a good laugh. Miss G wanted to try a sip and convinced me to bottle it in our pop bottle and take it to bubba. Anyways it was fun. When we got home, I had the girls help with laundry and such.

Saturday, was some of the most childish fun I have had in a long time. Unbelievable. We picked mulberries. They are in our front yard and we got a huge mess. See below for details.

It started innocently like this...

And turned into a little juicy fun.A little more...And look out mamma this was fun...

My mom took us to lunch after we cleaned up and well, brilliant ass mom made another wonderful concoction. I can't wait for the girls to tell DQ what we do at restaurants. We took a glass with ice and added salt, pepper, seasoning salt, mustard, ketchup, french fries, soda from all our glasses. The girls were impressed it looked like salad dressing. Don't ask. Then we went bowling on some free passes my mom picked up: THANKS MOM! Talk about a blast. The girls, my mom and I were not doing so hot bowling. So we spiced it up some. I think the folks next to us were a little frustrated and probably embarrassed by us but never the less it was so much fun. See below.

Back to the asses at the bowling alley. I am so surprised the people next to us didn't ask us to leave. But boy did we have lots of fun.

The end result....WE ALL SUCKED AT BOWLING but we had so much fun!!

Sunday Miss M wanted to go with me to take Bubba to camp. Surprised Miss G wanted to stay home seeing how Miss M was crying for Dad and DQ on Thursday. See ya on Saturday Bubba!

Aparently neither do they

I just don't get it. Perhaps I never will. The girls were dropped off last night. Fine and dandy. They went to play with my girls (who by the way are up north) and came back looking for them. I told them the girls with with grandma. Well low and behold, Miss M was in hysterics she didn't want to be at our house. She was crying so bad, she could not catch her breath. She called DQ and told her she wanted to go home. DQ didn't answer the phone though or call back.

I don't know really what she puts in the girls' heads but it seems like Miss M is getting more and more emotional about everything. She is starting to be a basket case.

Today Bubba is babysitting and all seems well. Last night, Miss M was determined she was not going to bed she was going home. It was a very long night. She even talked to superdaddy and everything but nothing seemed to make it better. Hopefully, she will be ok tonight. Superdaddy is going to be in Pennsylvania for a trainers meeting of some sort and then come home Saturday night. I need a vacation!!!

I just don't wanna anymore

Any of my RLF can tell ya that I am all about my kids. If my kids can't do it than more than likely, I will not do it as well. I am and have always been the responsible one. The one to just do it. I just don't want to. I lost a lot of friends (or so called) because I choose not to do something because of the kids. That was my choice. I still am like it. Bet you think you know where this is going...WRONG

I am tired of always being the responsible one. I know I choose that path the minute I choose to have children. And just think, superdaddyof6 and I are considering another in the near future. I am tired of being a door mat. Tired of being a built in babysitter. This weekend, superdaddy is working until late Saturday and it really is not our weekend. Fine and dandy. Miss J and Chicky are up north with my grandparents until July 4. Bubba is going to camp Sunday. Get my drift. I am almost kid less. Free to do grown up stuff. That is until yesterday. DQ supposedly is having a big dinner party at work that she has to cook all the food for. Like Cater. And "the little ones" are in her way. Little ones are 8 and 6 and love to help in the kitchen anyway they can if you let them. Superdaddy said she wanted them to come last night. Never mind I have to work and he is in Pennsylvania. She just doesn't give a shit that she is inconveniencing someone.

Now don't think I am complaining about having some quality time with just my step-girls. That is not it. I love when they visit. I was just looking forward to "spring cleaning" their bedroom of some toys and such this weekend and they will be garbage picking. That and the fact that DQ has caused me more than one headache in the past and she thinks I am the drop in babysitter.

That is what I don't wanna anymore.

HUMMPPPHHH!!

Happy Birthday Miss M!

Geeshh, where has the time gone? Happy 6th Birthday Miss M! I remember the day when I first met you. You were just under 18 months. You could barely keep up with the older girls. You tried your hardest to run after them. I had to get on them to slow down so you could keep up when playing tag. As you grew older, you grew up. You are growing into a beautiful young lady. You are getting so big and so smart.

As far as you remember, I have always been a part of your life and for that I am greatful. Your mom and dad love you with all of their hearts and noone can take that away from you or them. Your parents are wonderful and have done a great job with you and your sister. Just remember, though you are my step-daughter, I will always love you and your sisters as though you were my own children. Just remember beautiful, you will always be my giggle butt. Happy birthday Miss M and thank you for sharing your happy birthday day with me your step-mother. Love you - Your Step-mom.

Not a good way to start the day

Argggg That is all I can say. Supperdaddy went to leave for work this morning and damn it someone broke into the vehicles and stole his laptop bag with laptop in it, his Cobra CB radio, Booster antenna, MP3 player, DVD player, and cell phone charger. They left his damn log book and training manual that was in the bag for Christ sake. The laptop isn't even paid off yet :(

So I am awake at 6 am to a not so happy superdaddy bitching about not finding his bag. FUN TIMES I TELL YA.

So now, I am no so patiently waiting for the police to show up. ARGGGG


On another note, today bubba is making his confirmation at Church. He has worked long and hard and has finally made it. He just came home from leader training with scouts yesterday and boy was he whipped.

Happy Summer Solstice to all

Just thought I would wish everyone a Happy Summer Solstice to everyone out there who celebrates and who doesn't. This is the longest day of sunlight in the northern hemisphere.

The difference in 10 years......
10 years ago today was a Saturday, it was my first wedding. Since that day, my ex-hubby is dead, his mom is dead, my aunt who I got married in her yard is dead, my other aunt is dead, his grandma and grandpa are dead, my father, his wife, my grandma's cousin they are all dead. I have a picture in my first wedding album that has me and many angel's in it. They have since gone to heaven or Mt. Olive as my ex would have claimed.

Wow 10 years already.

About me Stolen from Superchick

Describe in one word:
1.Yourself: Supermommy
2.Your Partner: Dreamy
3. Your hair: Boring
4: Your mother: Cranky
5. Your Father: Missed
6. Your Favorite Item: Pictures
7. Your Dream last night: Dunno
8. Your favorite drink: Daquiri
9. Your dream car: Convertable
10. The room you are in: Freezing
11. Your ex: Addict
12. Your fear: Trapped
13. What you want to be in 10 years: Graduate
14. Who you hung out with last night: Hubby
15. What you're not: Fake
16. Muffins: Chocolate
17. One of your wish list items: Happiness
18. Time: History
19. The last thing you did: Emailed
20. What are you wearing: Purple
21. Your favorite weather: Rainy
22. Your favorite book: Postsecret
23. The last thing you ate or drank: Water
24. Your life: Busy
25. Your mood: Exhausted
26. Your best friend: Hubby
27. What are you thinking about right now: Camping
28. Your car: MadMomMiniVan
29. What are you doing at the moment: Working
30. Your summer: NotRelaxing
31. Your relationship status: Happy
32. What is on your TV: Off
33. What is the weather like: Beautiful
34. When was the last time your laughed: Morning

Wheels on the bus go round and round...

So Happy Father's Day to all dad's out there. Hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend with their kids. For the father's who have lost their children, please take the time to reflect and be filled with loving memories. For the Father's to be and trying to be, may you find time to relax this weekend and be blessed.

Hopefully DQ will let the girls come over on Saturday instead of just Sunday. After last weekend's drama, she is probably going to give us a hard time. We were hoping for all weekend, but that just maybe pushing it as last weekend was ours. We will see.

The excitement for the weekend is the cancer walk. The girls (hopefully all of them) will be walking right next to Auntie R. She is a breast cancer survivor. We will be doing the short walk only 1 mile because the little ones will be walking with us and Auntie R. isn't quite brave enough to attempt the 4 mile one.

The second event of excitement is the School Bus Figure 8 races. We went last year and had a blast. The evening was filled with so much excitement. There were little cars, and race cars, and school buses. The last race had 8 different buses going in the figure 8. 2 of the buses tipped on its side and the kids loved it.

Sunday, we will probably barbecue and do yard work as we are in process of spring cleaning the inside of the house. Should be fun.

Have a wonderful weekend and remember the wheels on the bus go around and around.....

Liars never prosper

Ya know what is embarrassing: going shopping and them refusing your check.

So Miss J and Chicky and I went to the local grocery store last night. Knowing if I wrote a check, it would not cash before direct deposit hit today. So along we went, filling up the basket with necessities and a few perks. The kids wanted junk food and I kept telling them I didn't have enough money for that this week. Well nosey bitch worker must have eavesdropped while she was putting rejected merchandise on the shelves. So long story short, the cashier rang it all up and decided it needed a check approval. She turned away and was talking to manager or whoever who said I'll be right back. When she came back, she informed me my bank was closed (like no shit it was 8pm) and she could not verify funds for my check?!?!?!?

My check was for $76.83. I was like excuse met? I wrote a check here 3 days ago for $96.71 and they didn't have to "verify funds". Apparently, she felt the need to check to see if I had money in the bank and my bank was closed already.

Said "manager" was nosey bitch putting rejected merchandise back on shelf. I hope she has to eat powdered mac n cheese for dinner one day instead of steak and tuna salad and watermelon. For dinner last night, we had powdered mac n cheese. Ewww. Kids don't mind but me I think EWWWW!!!

Oh yeah, kids don't even have milk or bread today for food. Looks like Eggs for lunch until I can get to the store during banking hours or a different store for groceries.

Did I tell you I hate powdered Mac n cheese?

Frustrating weekend

First things first, I gave nick names for the players in my life. Take note on left side menu.

Friday when DQ came to drop the kids off, Miss M decided she didn't want to stay with me until superdaddy came home which was totally fine with me but I made her call superdaddy and let him know. DQ took the phone from her and started a screaming argument with superdaddy right in front of the kids screaming and yelling. Totally uncalled for. Anyhow, Miss M decided she was not going to come all weekend as now she was so very upset because DQ was yelling at superdaddy. DQ took Miss M home and we stayed out and played outside as it was a nice night.

Saturday, we did our normal chores and such. Nothing big and glamorous except we got a new computer desk. The old one was pretty sad.

Sunday, after church, we decided to barbecue and have a few friends over. This was wonderful. We had a great time with our friends and the kids got to play outside with each other. The fun time came when it was getting closer to Miss G going home. She was clearly getting anxious as the afternoon wore on. She wanted to call DQ and ask if she could stay about 2 hours more. DQ agreed. She was getting more worked up by the minute. As the time went on, Miss G got hysterical. She was very adamant she did not want to go home. Through some prompting and such we got a few answers.

Superdaddy placed a call to DQ and boy was that a Hoopla. Poor Miss G probably got an ear full when DQ got home. I took Miss G home and she cried almost all the way home. I felt terrible making her go somewhere she obviously didn't want to go, but what can I do? I left her with her older sis telling her to be good for DQ and I would see her again soon. That was the longest car ride I have ever had to take.

We will see what happens with the whole ordeal. In a few years, a judge will listen to her and take her choice into consideration. Until that day, my heart breaks to have to make her go somewhere she does not want to be.

Amen

A patient at a University of Michigan Health System hospital whose double-lung transplant operation was stopped after a plane carrying donor organs crashed into Lake Michigan, killing six members of a Survival Flight team, has received a second set of lungs, doctors announced Friday.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/13467261/detail.html

Though I do not know the transplant team, I have felt their pain. Our team has felt their pain. It could have been our guys on that plane. We use the same place to fly out of. Our guys knew their guys. Very humbling. You can cut the air with a knife that is how tense it was here. I am overjoyed with hearing the recipient got his miracle.

Life is too short.

A moment of silence please

Please take a moment out of your busy life and acknowledge a tragedy. Please pray for the families and coworkers of those involved.

Tragic...Simply Tragic.

These people died trying to save another.


http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/13441002/detail.html

Coast Guard: No Survivors In Jet Crash
University Of Michigan Transplant Team Were On Board Jet

To the angels on that flight may you rest in peace and God Bless! You will be missed.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Wow, the difference in 7 years. It has been 7 years since I have said Happy Birthday to you in person. Things have been moving along just swimmingly in our lives. The kids and I miss you so very much. Since you have become an angel, so many others have passed...my first hubby, his mom, you wife, almost fil.

I miss you so much. I lay awake some nights with regret. Regret that I didn't do many things with you, that we didn't spend enough time together; that the kids didn't get to know you as well as they should have.

So many things have gone unspoken. So many things are said now only in prayer.

Bubba is doing well in school. You would be proud of him. He wants to take auto mechanics in high school. Next year he will be in high school. Damn that makes me feel old. Only 4 short more years and then college. Eeek. He really wants your Corvette. If not yours from grandma, he wants to get one like yours. I told him dream on he needs a junker first. I think he is going to be a gear head like you. He is always wrenching on something every chance he gets. Lately has been ATVs in the back yard. He helps take them apart and does not put them back together right away. Imagine that. He seems to want a motorcycle too. Definitely a boy after your own heart.

Miss J, well she is doing ok. The other day she told me that she saw your dog and insisted it was yours. I didn't have the heart to tell her your dogs died before you did. She is finally going to get extra help with reading from the school. I get so frustrated with homework time. She tries, but she just doesn't get it. I remember the time you got frustrated with Jeffrey and shoved a peanut butter and jelly in his face because he just didn't get it. I haven't done that, but I have sent her to bed before homework was done because I lost my patience. She found your AA book in our basement the other day and was going to "read grandpa's book" for a book report. Yeah ok. She is going to do a dance class at church coming up. I guess it is a spiritual dance of sorts.

Chicky: You have never seen Chicky except from heaven. She is a spitting image of me. She sees your pictures and we talk about you often. She wanted a 4 wheeler for Xmas. Imagine that. Starting out young. She always can be caught with a screwdriver trying to take something apart.

The other girls, well, we talk about you and they ask about you and go to the cemetery with us. They haven't been exposed to dying and such. They don't understand. At church, they always pray that you watch over us and keep us safe. Miss G wishes that she was able to meet you and call you grandpa. Miss M well, she just kind of floats around with the rest of the kids. They do miss getting to know you. You would be proud of the kids regardless.

She lost out on you. We have lost out on having you see the kids, giving me away (mom did that though) .

Brother is in N.C. Boy is that a mess. He flew the coup and got the heck out of Dodge just like you always wanted to. He seems to be holding his own. We miss him very much. We are talking about moving to the mountains. Not Alabama as you wanted to go to, but out of here that is for sure.

I guess what it boils down to is this... I MISS YOU! Happy birthday Old Man! The Big 52.

No rest for the wicked

Wicked step mom that is...

His ex tried to dump the kids on us this weekend. Ya know, is there scouts, the girls said there was. It is urgent you call me. BLAH BLAH.

Found out Friday that FIL who was going away for a month, is not planning on returning. HUH?

We took him to dinner on Friday at my fav place BD's. Was asked to babysit for my baby sitter's kids on Saturday afternoon. I guess I didn't realize she meant after noon. Like 12:01. I had so much crap to do and well, when she dropped the kids off, I was strapped to the house. Had yard work to do, but son broke the lawnmower somehow. Had to go and see about getting a new one. We got our yard cut just as the rain came down (talk about luck) and it really didn't stop raining. Talk about going stir crazy. Had the normal kids and the babysitters kids locked up in the house because of the rain.

Sunday, it was still raining and my mom's grass needed to get done as did my bro's. Had son go to grandma's house to do her grass and he was almost done and the sky opened up again. Made him finish in rain. Somehow there is never enough time in the weekends to finish all that needs to get done. I need a week of: Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Yeah ok: my luck, ex will send the kids to visit.

This weekend coming up is our weekend and the following weekend being father's day will be ours and the following ours as well. So much for a tidy house...

A Hell of a weekend

Where do I begin? This weekend was a much needed R&R weekend. We went up north camping with the kids. For the first time in almost 13 years, Superdaddy and I had a tent all to our selves. Chicky and Miss M slept in their own tent as did Miss G and Miss J. Boy oh boy does that make me feel old.

My MIL is really a joke. She is all about her kids not talking to one another. She stirs the pot like a wicked witch with her brew. She has one of my step-daughters Miss S really messed up in the head I am afraid. Miss S stays with MIL unfortunately. Anyways, she screwed with superdaddy's head when he was growing up. She told him, his dad who was raising him really wasn't his dad and some other guy was. Then she claimed she never told him that. Blah, blah. Long story short...supposed dad (paternity test proved otherwise) passed away Saturday. We were up north and got a call from "dads" girlfriend to let suepraddy know. Monday, MIL calls me after not having a phone call for over a year and a half to tell me to tell superdaddy that his dad passed away. Then she called back asking me how he took the "news". I think she is trying to weasel her way back into our lives. Got to squash that shit quick.

R.I.P. Almost Father in Law. You will be missed.

My FIL used one of our cars this weekend as it was just going to sit in our driveway. Well remember back when my brother in law hit my friend's car and small claims court made him pay for damages? Well when my FIL had the car, he went to BIL's house to pick up a few things. My car has been KEYED!! Like major. Like unforgivable. I honestly thought my superdaddy was going to go over there and go "postal" on his brother and SIL. I don't think BIL did it, I think his wife did. She is evil and hateful. I mean we don't have new cars. Hell they both have over 150,000 miles on them. But damn.

Now you see. DRAMA!!!

Aside from that, our weekend was nice. I will share pics as soon as I can find the camera :)

Are we there yet???

This weekend we are going up camping at my grandparents place. We will have all the kids and a dog. Should be fun. Just because some kids get out of school tomorrow and some don't...why is it that any chance a person may get, they dump their kids off? My kids have a full day of school. I have to work. Superdaddy has to work too. Step kids don't have school apparently and DQ doesn't have a sitter...hence...they will be invading my home tonight and become my babysitter problem.

I hate parents who ditch their children any time they can. Hell when can I ditch mine?

Needless to say, tomorrow at this time I will hear "are we there yet" or "how much longer until we get there" better yet "she is touching me and I don't want her to".

Arghhh...Have a happy and safe Memorial Day Weekend. Will share pictures later.

Time passing by........

Where the heck has time gone? Does not seem that long ago that I posted last. Hope everyone is well. Jeeze...since my last post, scouts has ended for the year and camping season has begun.

Superdaddy dearest has been on this crazy run that has him going 6 days a week. Makes time for a short weekend that is for sure. The crazy thing now is that he is training another driver. Not that he is not capable of training, it is just that he hasn't been at it for a long time yet.

Bubba's wrestling team went undefeated for the season. Last year was his football team, this year was wrestling. They have a great bunch of kids playing for the school. Part of me can hardly wait for school to be out for the summer, but part of me definitely is not ready. I guess ready or not, it is coming in less than 2 weeks.

Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful Memorial Day holiday. I will catch up soon and share some photo's from camp.

TTFN

Sheesssh Where Has the time gone???

Seems like just yesterday was the new year. Spring has finally sprung here. The kids have finally been able to get out of the house and leave me alone. Life has been passing by without much adu around here.

Same ole stuff different day. I miss superdaddy so much when he is gone and yet when he is home, part of me feels guilty because I want to not share him. This weekend, he was talking about going 3 wheeling. I know he loves to do that. Secretly, I wished he wouldn't so he could spend time with us...well me.

And The Sh!t Hits The Van!

So I take 14 little girls under 3rd grade camping for the weekend and the shit hits the Van…Literally.

I took the girls to camp and had a blast. We scared them, they tried to scare us. They got to put make-up on the first one to sleep and we tye dyed with kool-aid and make God’s eyes.

First phone call from hubby was “Do you know where Bubba is?” Why yes darling, he is home with you. “No Bubba is missing!! He is not here!” Where in the heck did he go? To see his girlfriend?

Second phone call was “Your mom’s dog escaped and I had to chase her for almost a mile while Bubba didn’t stop to help when her mom was dropping him off.”

Third call was “The good news I got the 200X running, the bad news is, I broke it.” HUH?

Fourth call was “What year is the van?” For what? I don’t know off the top of my head. “The back window got blown out.” HUH?

The minute I got home ya know what happened? My mom’s dog got out and tried to go play on the railroad tracks and in traffic. I, with a MASSIVE Migraine, bubba and the girls chased the damn dog down for about 45 minutes and vowed to duck tape it to the tree. That didn’t happen (no duct tape promise I couldn't find it).

Because we chased her down so my mom wouldn’t cry, we missed going to the movies. Needless to say, my weekend was so busy, I need a vacation (without my cell phone)!!

Maybe this week, I will get around to Spring cleaning seeing how we are having dinner at my house for Easter and that is Sunday. Oh yeah, the easter bunny needs to go shopping too.

Hope your's was better.

Baby Mamma Drama

Lately, the nights have been very hard. The worst they have ever been. I thought it was hard when he started driving, but was I wrong. My mind just doesn't shut off. I have so much to do there really isn't time to sleep; yet sleep is very important. Anxiety that is what it is. I miss superdaddy so much. I miss how it was when we first got back together. It seemed as though we could not get enough of each other. Lately, it hasn't been that way. I just miss him.

Lord knows my "to do list" is almost 3 pages long. I almost cried when I wrote it all down. I broke it down into smaller to do lists to try to make it more managable and now it is longer; hummmpppphhh. At least that way I will feel better thinking I accomplished something.

The baby mamma drama shit is driving me nuts. I despise DQ more than words can say. She is just plain evil. Life would be livable if there wasn't baby mamma drama. I sure hope the kids see thru the smoke screen she creates and become better person's. I have a feeling DQ will ruin Miss G's birthday party this weekend. She threatened to not let them come over for a while and will probably blame us for it.

Now you understand ANXIETY!!!!! That seems to be my middle name lately followed by DEPRESSION!!!!!

Happy Birthday Miss G!!

Well Saturday was Miss G's birthday. She turned 8. Seems like just yesterday she was 3. She is growing up so fast. (They all are). She is growing into a beautiful young lady. I am not going to post her picture on here as I don't want to cause any problems with her privacy and DQ.

On another note:
Things are starting to go in the right direction in life again (knock on wood). We need to take one step at a time. I miss superdaddy very much. Though he is home more than he has been in the past, it is just passing in the evening. Seems on the weekends, we have so much to do yet want to spend time together as do the kids. Sometimes sharing SUCKS!! Weekends do not have enough hours in the day.

I honestly cannot wait for the weather to finally break. We need to get out of the house and go riding or something. We all have cabin fever. Hubby and Bubba are dying to ride. Just have to get a few more parts and a babysitter and get out.

Happy Birthday Miss J!!

So yesterday was Miss J's birthday. I spent most of the day wiping away the tears from her pretty blue eyes. She is sad because she cannot see her dad. Her dad is in heaven already. She turned the big 9. Holy Smokes!! Where has the time gone?

This is her with messy hair at my brothers going away party last year. She is growing up too fast. Figures the easiest labor is the most difficult child so far.

She is driving me nuts with school. She hasn't had homework in almost 3 weeks. Well the teacher sent a letter home that indicated she has 48 missing assignments and does not return homework?!?!? WTF? My point exactly. So now, I have all her work (a damn book). And of course, I feel like a slave driver making her sit every single day after school and do her work from the time I get home until the time she goes to bed. If she had done the darn work from the beginning, it would have been like 1 hour a night that is all.


Argggggg!!!!!!!!


Thought this was kind of cool!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 0 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

The Fork

By any chance...Has anyone seen the fork in the road?

Lately, I cannot seem to find my way.

Parenting a Teenager

Uggg

Where to begin...I am fed up with Bubba. He has been getting into a little pickle at school. Started last year and carried over to this year. I am about to strangle him. I know he is trying to have friends and well chicks, but give me a damn break. What happened to the good ole days, where you could go to school and not worry about getting your ass kicked?

This kid has been tormenting him for going on 2 years. He has been suspended more than once for fighting back, and walking away from fights believe it or not and well the kid still will not leave him alone. We have come to the conclusion that most of the problems are because of girls getting in the mix. I have had it. I hate our school and I loved it when I went there. It seems ridiculous that this shit keeps happening and the school does nothing about it.

Just thinking about this is causing me an ulcer!!

Now what did I do?

So now I feel absolutely terrible.

There is this girl in girl scouts with me. She told me last week or so that their family is broke and probably going to be moving soon. Dad is now a truck driver too and mom doesn't work. At the meeting, she wasn't wearing socks or anything. She is never clean and point blank, she is a "homely" child. Her mom is really nice. Her brother and sisters seem to run the hood taking care of themselves. Last week we got walloped with snow here and well, her little sister was outside in jeans and tank top. No coat, no boots. So why do I feel terrible?

They have girl scout cookies to the tune of $728. The money is due Thursday. Mom didn't answer the phone any of the bazillion times I called. I show up unannounced, no answer. I am terrified that our troop will have to pay the $728 and wait until the girl scouts go after mom for the money. That is like all of our profit.

I called mom today from work (shows up hospital on caller ID). She answered. She was shocked that it was me on the other end of the phone. She hasn't delivered all the cookies yet because she was in the hospital having a miscarriage.

I feel like a damn bill collector that I despise so much myself.

I guess we will see what happens when I go by there tonight.

Where has my life gone?

I guess the rollar coaster is about to do an about face and head in the opposite direction.

It was so difficult to get used to him being gone all week long. Just when I start to get used to it, he gets to come home more, but I still don't get to see him long. Just enough for me to make him dinner, wake him up, and send him out the door.

The last two weeks have killed me and my energy. I guess that is what happens when you have kids and get older. There has only been 2 days last week where I didn't have something to do. This week, I have to do something every single day after work. I think the only way I can get the house straightened up is to take a vacation from work.

This week I think we will probably have to eat out all week (not that we can really afford to) because there is really something going on each day of the week.

I NEED A VACATION!!

Going Crazy

Ya know not too long ago I was wondering what to do with superdaddy being gone on the road. Just recently, he stumbled upon a daily run for the automotive company here in Michigan. He has been home daily the last week. He is driving me nuts!


No really, I love superdaddy with my whole heart and soul, but with the kids having cabin fever and such, he is driving me nuts.


Seems as though the daily run isn't all it is cracked up to be so far. We have yet to spend a lot of time together. By the time I get home, make dinner, he leaves for work :( At least we get to eat dinner together.


SPF for this week is "TO DO LIST"


We will see what I can come up with. (perhaps pic of the rooms in the house to get organized? or the cookies and popcorn left to sell?)


This weekend should be fun. DQ is supposed to have surgery tomorrow (yet again) and we will have the kids while she is in the hospital. Seems like she will soon have more scars than regular skin on her body.

Happy birthday to chickie. She is a big girl now. She was 3 on Valentines day! Party this weekend (another thing to add to the list).

Superchick's Picture Game SPF

This is my picture of something "Free"

Of course it involves the kids. This picture was taken last year at boy scout camp. It was blistery hot (100+ degrees) and the fire department was there hosing the kids down with the fire hose.

They are free of all the cares and worries. Free to be kids.

Why can't I be a kid again?

It's Gotta Get Better Soon

What happens to a person who is emotionally spent? Down in the dumps? Fed up at work? And Financially Broke?

Just when things start to go in the right direction, they spiral out of control in the wrong direction. Things have got to get better. Something has got to give soon. Capital One can kiss my rear end. We are so screwed right now.

Something to think about...

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Thank God for School

The bitter cold has left my children with cabin fever. 2 days of no school has driven me up a wall. Yesterday was a blessing to have them no school. Yesterday was Girl Scout Cookie pick up. We had to pick up 160 cases of cookies. Yep I put them to work hauling cookies around (even with child labor laws).

Hope you all are surviving the Artic Freeze. Stay warm!

Should have been an donor pregnancy

So time to vent.

So 14 years ago I found out I was pregnant. I told POS. So he promised to do for the child like his father did not do for him...blah blah blah.

Fast forward to 2007.

So for the last 3 weeks, Bubba has made plans with POS to visit and do things. First weekend POS had to work (not that I see fruits of his labor). Next weekend, POS forgot and went up north snowmobeling instead. This weekend, POS told Bubba he couldn't come over because he had to take his step-daughter to the daddy daughter dance that only lasts 3 hours.

I am so tired of seeing Bubba with a sad face because of being second fiddle to his new family with his wife. Bubba knows that her dad died and don't fault her for that, but he faults POS for doing this shit. Bubba knows how long a dance is. And knows it does not last for an entire weekend.

Having kids certainly did not make POS grow up. He just keeps depositing his ummm man seeds and having more kids. Bubba is 13, next one is 10, then he gets married, she has an 8 year old daughter. They have a son who is 3 and a new baby. Of course he doesn't have time for the older kids who don't live with him.

I know for a fact that he doesn't see Bubba or the 10 year old. The 10 year old sees my son all the time. He should have just been an anonymous sperm donor with no contact.

Superchick's Picture Game SPF

The game today is buttons. Well, here is my picture of a button. My baby showing her Tattoo above her belly button.

Thanks Dad

I heard a song today on my way to work.

Used to be sung by Elvis. Was one of my fathers favorite songs. Today it was sung by a country singer. Don't know who, doesn't matter either.

Suspicious Eyes.

Hit home today. I have been feeling alone and left out so to speak. Superdaddy talks to his buddies on the phone, when we talk, it is short and sweet. Regardless, jealousy will kill the wonderful relationship we need. Suspicious Minds.....

Thanks Dad. I needed that.

Almost 17 years ago she was smitten

This time of year sucks. It sucks bad.

This time 16 years ago there should have been a baby; a boy. Something is definitely off lately; perhaps all the time alone, perhaps Chicky turning 3, perhaps the talk of another baby in the future. Whatever the case may be, I miss that baby. I have been dreaming about him. He would be 16 this year; learning to drive. Superdaddy and I are back together today because of him. Because of a misunderstanding from a friend of ours about the said baby, we are together again.

I know a trip down “What If Lane” could be very dangerous. Well seems like the devil took me there and I have been there for some time now.

17 years ago, at the tender age of 15 there was a young girl who was smitten by an older boy; a boy like her dad; who stole her heart; who swept her off her feet; who caused her great happiness. One day she found out that there would be a little one. When her parents found out, they were furious and made the little one go away. This tore apart the girl and boy. With the help of her parents, they went their separate ways. Later that month, the results were in: it was a boy.

She went on to graduate high school just barely 18 years old and have Bubba. Working part time and going to college full time, that baby helped to fill a void at the time. Soon, that girl goes on to get married and have another baby. This time a girl Miss J. Thru painful trials and tribulation, the marriage ends after 5 1/2 years.

A mutual friend from a high school runs into her at work. Thru small talk, they discuss family, life after high school and well just plain life. A few months later, a letter arrives from superdaddy. With weak fingers and a fluttering heart, the letter is read. Said friend thinks Bubba is Angel baby from our relationship. He wants to talk. We get together and discuss family and life after relationship. He too has children; 3 beautiful girls to be exact. He too has been thru a painful relationship. Chatting and such led us back together and well, now there is another beautiful girl "Chicky". She will be 3 on Valentine’s day. The day for lovers. Coinsidence? I think not.

Why do I feel this way this time of year? A part of me is missing. I have 3 beautiful children and 3 beautiful step children and yet I yearn for Angel Baby. Perhaps it is because I only have 1 son. Perhaps it is because he only has daughters. Was his only chance to have a son lost 17 years ago?

Whatever the case may be, lately I am sad. Lately everything is off. Things will be off until I get out of “What If Lane”. Don’t get me wrong, we have been blessed beyond words; but lately my heart is heavy. I miss what could have been…