Venting

I firmly believe misery loves company. PIA is very jealous of us. We have more than she does. Her stuff is nicer (house, car etc.) but we have "more". She does not think I can take care of her children the way she can. Like I am not capable of being a mother. Hell her kids already have a mother they sure do not need another one. I think part of it is I am not like her. I will never be like her. I treat our children like they all belong to me. They are treated equally with gifts, love, punishments etc.

One of my biggest pet peeves is simply LYING! I have lied in the past to my folks when I was growing up. The problem with lying is trying to keep the lies straight. She is a compulsive liar. She lies so much, she actually believes what she is saying is the truth. She lies to the kids, Superdaddy; everyone. The girls are becoming chronic liars as well. Example, before taking the kids home Monday, I was doing the clean clothes check (Lord knows if they went home with dirty clothes, we would have protective services at our home). Miss G let me see your undies; CHECK, socks; CHECK. Miss M let me see your undies; CHECK, socks; they are clean. No let me see them, they are clean I promise. No let me see them. SHE WASN'T WEARING ANY!! I took her to Superdaddy who asked her why she lied. She didn't. She was telling the truth. I told her if she was going to lie she was going to have to stay at her moms house and lie there because at our house lying was not acceptable. Sheesh. What is a Step-mom to do?

I think part of the reason PIA has a problem with me is that I am not like her. I do not lie or cheat. I do not blame my problems on anyone else. When I don't like how something is going or not going, I do something to fix it instead of blaming everyone else. I have integrity, honor and morals. If that makes me a horrible person than so be it.

The shit will hit the fan in the near future when she finds out we are expecting again. Good Lord I think I may need an umbrella when it comes raining down.

Mothers Day

Hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day. This was the first year on mother's day I haven't had the step-kids around; ironically enough. It was kinda quiet around our house. We did house work because it was pouring outside all day.

Today is beautiful outside today. Probably going to try to do yard work today. In our neighborhood they have a court that will give you tickets and such if your grass is higher than 6 inches and you have "debris" in your yard. We have a "bone" yard of atv parts laying around. I am gonna try to organize it and get the grass cut today. Perhaps I will succeed.

Baby Mamma Drama

Things should start looking up from here on out. We bought a used van this weekend. Another gas guzzler I'm afraid. It is in great shape for being 18 years old. Barney will be going to the shop Thursday to get its oil pump changed by our son and his auto shop class. Mom found a reasonable car that she got this weekend as well. Everyone has wheels now YEAH!!!

PIA she really is something else. I told Superdaddy he should have been slapped just for thinking about screwing her. I have decided she is like a herpe's sore. Not pretty to look at, causes a bunch of pain and aggravation, can screw up a good weekend let alone a steamy dream, and well lets face it, THERE IS NO CURE!! All I want to know is how much money does it take to buy two little girl's love? PIA is living fat at the moment and we are eating mac n cheese and hot dogs again; SIGH. And she is taking Superdaddy back to court for more money. Love does not provide for children now a days, and well all she has to offer is love and Superdaddy's money because she will not get a job.

New friend from a while ago and her hubby and kid came by last week to visit. Her hubby was trying to fix barney for us and well tore it apart and then had a temper tantrum and left it in pieces for me (nice friend huh) and well my heart is broken. New Friend or her husband took money out of my purse. Not like it was a lot of money only $8.00 but I cannot trust them in my home again. I hope they at least bought their kid milk with the money and not pills like I know they buy.

Life has me in a holding pattern. Stress has my body in a vice grip.

Only in Michigan

What does it look like is happening in this picture? Is this guy fishing?

You would never believe me if I told you this so I guess I just better show it to you.

I work in a big city. I was picking something off the floor in my office and happened to glance out the window and thought; "What the hell is that guy doing ice fishing in the parking lot?" He really wasn't ice fishing, but it sure looks like it. The lines on the photo are from taking the picture through the screen they put on our window's so no one can jump out of it.

Reinforcements?

They were actually fixing some underground electrical wiring I guess. I like the fishing idea better though. Some office humor for you. Have a great day!

Wishes

After serious & cautious consideration.....your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2008!

It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2008
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills. May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple words ............
May 2008 be the best year of your life!!!

Venting

There has to be some crap in the air we breathe. Something that is causing bitchiness and stress. I cannot take it much more. My mother is driving me nuts!!! She is so cranky lately. She hangs up the phone on me one more time and I will go postal. Un-freekin-believable.

God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

I am not coping and IT SUCKS!!

Inspiring reminder

Twenty Things to Remember

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.
2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.
3. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.
4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.
5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.
6. Do the math. Count your blessings.
7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.
9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.
10. Laugh every day... it's like inner jogging.
11. The most important things in your home are the people.
12. Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.
13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.
14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.
15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.
16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy your precious moments.
17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it. Otherwise, it's just hearsay.
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking. Learn from the turtle--it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.
20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

Author Unknown

Oh yeah adding to the "dad" wierdness Sunday night: at work on Tuesday an overhead page announced: "Henry Jay please report to second floor radiology." I'm telling you he is working hard to remind me that he is still there and has not left me.

P.S. I am not crazy, my aunt heard it as well and called me to see if I heard it.

What now???

Things have been going lately and I am sort of lost. Things are not good, things are not bad, they are just there. Ever felt say...unappreciated, over worked - under paid, like a door mat, or better yet the whipping post?

How does one go about telling someone that their attitude sucks and well it is affecting everyone/thing they are around? Quite frankly, I would rather go anywhere but home some days - most days in fact. It is not that I hate being home so much, it is the fact that I have to see person described above. I cannot avoid them. I am actually getting quite depressed about it.

Superdaddy did quit said job and took a new adventure with OO. Let's pray this will pan out for him. Just one week without a paycheck. Hopefully he gets out the rest of this week otherwise it will be 2 weeks. DQ will end up trying to have him locked up like she did in the past; she pulls that crap to hurt us/me. Especially now that superdaddy and I had that conversation last night about her. Just last night we were chatting about DQ's boyfriend who drives a straight truck. He asked me to give this haz.mat book to DQ if I seen her first. Apparently, DQ got canned from her job so now b/f is only income besides child support. B/f needs this book in the truck with him because if he gets pulled over without it, it is a great big fine. Great...back to the nagging and screaming matches about money and material items again. This happens every time she isn't working. Apparently it is our fault she cannot or chooses not to hold a job. They will have to move again I am sure. DQ and children have lived in 4 houses in a little over 5 years. Heck she lives a better, materialistic life than we do. I mean, we do live within our means (most of the time) where she chooses not to. As stated in the past, we eat powdered mac n cheese and hot dogs a lot where she gets steak and potatoes. We drive used cars, her and b/f have a newer car and a 2007 truck. Unbelievable.

On another note, this last weekend when I was cleaning out mom's garage with her, I ran across a box that was DA's and my stuff. I found some books that I needed for that "toxic" relationship. Brought back a flood of emotions. Some welcome, others not so welcome. This week is especially tough with being the anniversary of my father's passing. I think I need to start reading and moving forward.

This day offers me a chance to make a new start at living. How can I make the best use of it? Courage to change

"God grant me the wisdom to recognize the faults I am building into a wall, such a wall as cannot be penetrated even by love." One day at a time in Al-Anon

Updates on Life

So where to begin. Have been a little slacking on the updated life posts. In our neck of the woods, they have a "clean out your crap" week. That is this week. Everything you put to the road unless it is flammable the trash man will pick up. I have been busy cleaning out the basement and mom's garage this weekend and boy am I paying for it today. I know Tuesday and Wednesday will be worse. Tuesday it goes to the road, Wednesday will be sore as ever.

Last Tuesday, Bubba started High School. Miss S started Junior High, Miss J started 4th grade, Miss G started 3rd grade, Miss M started 1st grade, and Chicky started preschool. Does that make me feel old or what?

While doing my "delayed Spring cleaning" this weekend, I ran across an old photo. How is it that seeing someone from the past can still take your breath away? This photo took my breath away. Unbelievable. Part of me felt guilty for feeling feeling that way. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe I need to pack them pictures up in a box and hide it deep in the dark crevices of the basement. Who knows.

Happy birthday Cousin Cas. You are getting old too ya know. You just don't feel as old as I do.

Shoes in Church

Someone sent this to me. It is touching. Something I try to instill in my children and in my life. Don't judge a book by its cover and sometimes a smile can change a person's whole life. Thought I would pass it on.

Shoes in Church:
I showered and shaved ... I adjusted my tie.
I got there and sat ... In a pew just in time.
Bowing my head in prayer ... As I closed my eyes.
I saw the shoe of the man next to me ... Touching my own. I sighed.
With plenty of room on either side ... I thought, "Why must our soles touch?"
It bothered me, his shoe touching mine ... But it didn't bother him much.
A prayer began: "Our Father" ... I thought, "This man with the shoes has no pride.
They're dusty, worn, and scratched ... Even worse, there are holes on the side!"
"Thank You for blessings," the prayer went on The shoe man said ... a quiet "Amen."
I tried to focus on the prayer ... But my thoughts were on his shoes again.
Aren't we supposed to look our best ... When walking through that door?
"Well, this certainly isn't it," I thought ... Glancing toward the floor.
Then the prayer was ended ... And the songs of praise began.
The shoe man was certainly loud ... Sounding proud as he sang.
His voice lifted the rafters ... His hands were raised high.
The Lord could surely hear ... The shoe man's voice from the sky.
It was time for the offering ... And what I threw in was steep.
I watched as the shoe man reached ... Into his pockets so deep.
I saw what was pulled out ... What the shoe man put in.
Then I heard a soft "clink" ... as when silver hits tin.
The sermon really bored me ... To tears, and that's no lie
It was the same for the shoe man ... For tears fell from his eyes.
At the end of the service ... As is the custom here
We must greet new visitors ... And show them all good cheer.
But I felt moved somehow ... And wanted to meet the shoe man
So after the closing prayer ... I reached over and shook his hand.
He was old and his skin was dark ... And his hair was truly a mess
But I thanked him for coming ... For being our guest.
He said, "My names' Charlie ... I'm glad to meet you, my friend."
There were tears in his eyes ... But he had a large, wide grin
"Let me explain," he said ... Wiping tears from his eyes.
"I've been coming here for months ... And you're the first to say 'Hi.'"
"I know that my appearance ..."Is not like all the rest
"But I really do try ... "To always look my best."
"I always clean and polish my shoes ... "Before my very long walk.
"But by the time I get here ... "They're dirty and dusty, like chalk."
My heart filled with pain ... and I swallowed to hide my tears
As he continued to apologize ... For daring to sit so near.
He said, "When I get here ... "I know I must look a sight.
"But I thought if I could touch you ... "Then maybe our souls might unite."
I was silent for a moment ... Knowing whatever was said
Would pale in comparison ... I spoke from my heart, not my head.
"Oh, you've touched me," I said ... "And taught me, in part;
"That the best of any man ... "Is what is found in his heart."
The rest, I thought ... This shoe man will never know.
Like just how thankful I really am ... That his dirty old shoe touched my soul.


Thank you for allowing my "dirty old shoe" to touch you.
Smile :)

I need a vacation!!

Getting ranger badges in Jewel cave.
My donkey friend in Custard state park

My favorite part. The bad lands and bubba.

Well we seemed to have outran that horrible storm in Wisconsin on Saturday and another one in Minnesota yesterday. Unfortunately, those storms found us again. There are here today and tomorrow. We had so much fun on our vacation, I need a vacation without the kids. We left on Friday morning and got home late last night.

10 states in 5 days. Sheesh. No wonder I am exhausted. These are some of our vacation pictures. I was out by Beth and Lulu and I think Susielou and Hawkeyechick. Cannot swear to it.

Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Wyoming, Iowa. Taking the kids in one car was not much fun I tell ya. All in all, they were on their best behavior even without duct tape. Hell I was getting antsy after driving so long. It took us 2 sleeps to get to Hot Springs. One in Wisconsin, one in South Dakota, one in Hot Springs, one in Keystone, one in Austin Minnesota and finally home. I hope next trip goes East.

For never leaving state before, the kids have gone to 20% of the US. Impressive if I must say so myself. Will share more photos soon.

Too cute not to share

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.

Weekend reflection

This weekend was very nice. Superdaddy went up north on Saturday and I had some quality time with the girls. The neighborhood bowling alley had kids bowl free for 3 games on Saturday and shoes $ .99. How cool was that. They even had hot dogs and soda's for $ .99 as well. CHEAP DATE!!

Superdaddy has not been able to contact C. Even his cousin who told us what has been going on with her cannot locate her. I guess they moved again or something. This weekend is a family camp with the church so the kids and I will be going there and Superdaddy has to work. Perhaps Saturday when he comes home, either he can drive up to try to find C or come up to camp with us. We will have to wait and see. I should have some really cool pics to post from camping after next weekend. They have a Children's wish club that pays to come launch hot air balloon's from the campground this weekend. It was a lot of fun last year should be a lot of fun this year as well.

On another note, a family from our church shared some information that I would like to pass along. If you know someone in your area that could benefit from it please pass it along as well. This is the link to food assistance. It is available in many states. If your family could benefit, you contact your local church, pay $25 and get double the amount of food. There is a menu on that site that shows what they give you. There are no "requirements" for income or family size or such. They even take Food Stamp EBT assistance.

Hope every one's weekend was blessed and peaceful. Here's to another busy week. I think I am going to follow Amy's lead and try the Flylady approach to getting organized. Will have to get snapping on it.

Confrontation

So the confrontation happened with NF and it actually went better than I anticipated. I only hope she understands that I did it as a friend. Superdaddy and I talked and I told him my concerns. He agreed about my suspicions. He talked to NF hubs and told him what I thought was happening. I had already asked NF if she was using. Long story short, her hubs told her if she was going to use that she would lose me as a friend. She understood. Thursday and Friday at church was much better. She participated and was great with the kids. Thursday I confronted her. Sunday she came over and we rode bikes to church in the park and talked on the way there. Was real nice. Only she knows the truth, but she totally acted normal on Thursday, Friday and Sunday. Heck Saturday, NF and hubs, and the boy came over to barbecue. Things were normal. Perhaps she really was exhausted. Who knows. All I know is that life with an addict suck big time and I certainly hope and pray things work out. One way or another.

Happy Summer Solstice to all

Just thought I would wish everyone a Happy Summer Solstice to everyone out there who celebrates and who doesn't. This is the longest day of sunlight in the northern hemisphere.

The difference in 10 years......
10 years ago today was a Saturday, it was my first wedding. Since that day, my ex-hubby is dead, his mom is dead, my aunt who I got married in her yard is dead, my other aunt is dead, his grandma and grandpa are dead, my father, his wife, my grandma's cousin they are all dead. I have a picture in my first wedding album that has me and many angel's in it. They have since gone to heaven or Mt. Olive as my ex would have claimed.

Wow 10 years already.

No rest for the wicked

Wicked step mom that is...

His ex tried to dump the kids on us this weekend. Ya know, is there scouts, the girls said there was. It is urgent you call me. BLAH BLAH.

Found out Friday that FIL who was going away for a month, is not planning on returning. HUH?

We took him to dinner on Friday at my fav place BD's. Was asked to babysit for my baby sitter's kids on Saturday afternoon. I guess I didn't realize she meant after noon. Like 12:01. I had so much crap to do and well, when she dropped the kids off, I was strapped to the house. Had yard work to do, but son broke the lawnmower somehow. Had to go and see about getting a new one. We got our yard cut just as the rain came down (talk about luck) and it really didn't stop raining. Talk about going stir crazy. Had the normal kids and the babysitters kids locked up in the house because of the rain.

Sunday, it was still raining and my mom's grass needed to get done as did my bro's. Had son go to grandma's house to do her grass and he was almost done and the sky opened up again. Made him finish in rain. Somehow there is never enough time in the weekends to finish all that needs to get done. I need a week of: Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Yeah ok: my luck, ex will send the kids to visit.

This weekend coming up is our weekend and the following weekend being father's day will be ours and the following ours as well. So much for a tidy house...

Sheesssh Where Has the time gone???

Seems like just yesterday was the new year. Spring has finally sprung here. The kids have finally been able to get out of the house and leave me alone. Life has been passing by without much adu around here.

Same ole stuff different day. I miss superdaddy so much when he is gone and yet when he is home, part of me feels guilty because I want to not share him. This weekend, he was talking about going 3 wheeling. I know he loves to do that. Secretly, I wished he wouldn't so he could spend time with us...well me.

Something to think about...

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Thanks Dad

I heard a song today on my way to work.

Used to be sung by Elvis. Was one of my fathers favorite songs. Today it was sung by a country singer. Don't know who, doesn't matter either.

Suspicious Eyes.

Hit home today. I have been feeling alone and left out so to speak. Superdaddy talks to his buddies on the phone, when we talk, it is short and sweet. Regardless, jealousy will kill the wonderful relationship we need. Suspicious Minds.....

Thanks Dad. I needed that.

And the judgment is in...

My friend got the judgment in the mail....They found my BIL at fault and gave my friend a judgment for all he was asking and court costs for a total of $940.45. Though I am sad he doesn't really have the money to pay it, I am glad it is finally over with. I am glad the courts are making him responsible for his accident.

It was a quiet weekend for us. She tired to ditch the kids but because superdaddy was out of state, he gave her the option and she chose not to bring them for whatever reason. Not too often this happens usually she doesn't give a shit.

This up coming weekend is when their gymnastics are supposed to begin. I can hardly wait....NOT!

I sort of wish it would snow some more. We have the grass covered but barely with snow in our neighborhood. I want to take the kids out and make snowmen and snow angels and sledding. Maybe this week we will get some more. Who knows (it is Michigan ya know).

Stay warm and healthy...Until next time!