Now what did I do?

So now I feel absolutely terrible.

There is this girl in girl scouts with me. She told me last week or so that their family is broke and probably going to be moving soon. Dad is now a truck driver too and mom doesn't work. At the meeting, she wasn't wearing socks or anything. She is never clean and point blank, she is a "homely" child. Her mom is really nice. Her brother and sisters seem to run the hood taking care of themselves. Last week we got walloped with snow here and well, her little sister was outside in jeans and tank top. No coat, no boots. So why do I feel terrible?

They have girl scout cookies to the tune of $728. The money is due Thursday. Mom didn't answer the phone any of the bazillion times I called. I show up unannounced, no answer. I am terrified that our troop will have to pay the $728 and wait until the girl scouts go after mom for the money. That is like all of our profit.

I called mom today from work (shows up hospital on caller ID). She answered. She was shocked that it was me on the other end of the phone. She hasn't delivered all the cookies yet because she was in the hospital having a miscarriage.

I feel like a damn bill collector that I despise so much myself.

I guess we will see what happens when I go by there tonight.

Where has my life gone?

I guess the rollar coaster is about to do an about face and head in the opposite direction.

It was so difficult to get used to him being gone all week long. Just when I start to get used to it, he gets to come home more, but I still don't get to see him long. Just enough for me to make him dinner, wake him up, and send him out the door.

The last two weeks have killed me and my energy. I guess that is what happens when you have kids and get older. There has only been 2 days last week where I didn't have something to do. This week, I have to do something every single day after work. I think the only way I can get the house straightened up is to take a vacation from work.

This week I think we will probably have to eat out all week (not that we can really afford to) because there is really something going on each day of the week.

I NEED A VACATION!!

Going Crazy

Ya know not too long ago I was wondering what to do with superdaddy being gone on the road. Just recently, he stumbled upon a daily run for the automotive company here in Michigan. He has been home daily the last week. He is driving me nuts!


No really, I love superdaddy with my whole heart and soul, but with the kids having cabin fever and such, he is driving me nuts.


Seems as though the daily run isn't all it is cracked up to be so far. We have yet to spend a lot of time together. By the time I get home, make dinner, he leaves for work :( At least we get to eat dinner together.


SPF for this week is "TO DO LIST"


We will see what I can come up with. (perhaps pic of the rooms in the house to get organized? or the cookies and popcorn left to sell?)


This weekend should be fun. DQ is supposed to have surgery tomorrow (yet again) and we will have the kids while she is in the hospital. Seems like she will soon have more scars than regular skin on her body.

Happy birthday to chickie. She is a big girl now. She was 3 on Valentines day! Party this weekend (another thing to add to the list).

Superchick's Picture Game SPF

This is my picture of something "Free"

Of course it involves the kids. This picture was taken last year at boy scout camp. It was blistery hot (100+ degrees) and the fire department was there hosing the kids down with the fire hose.

They are free of all the cares and worries. Free to be kids.

Why can't I be a kid again?

It's Gotta Get Better Soon

What happens to a person who is emotionally spent? Down in the dumps? Fed up at work? And Financially Broke?

Just when things start to go in the right direction, they spiral out of control in the wrong direction. Things have got to get better. Something has got to give soon. Capital One can kiss my rear end. We are so screwed right now.

Something to think about...

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."
Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

"Life is too short and friends are too few."

Thank God for School

The bitter cold has left my children with cabin fever. 2 days of no school has driven me up a wall. Yesterday was a blessing to have them no school. Yesterday was Girl Scout Cookie pick up. We had to pick up 160 cases of cookies. Yep I put them to work hauling cookies around (even with child labor laws).

Hope you all are surviving the Artic Freeze. Stay warm!

Should have been an donor pregnancy

So time to vent.

So 14 years ago I found out I was pregnant. I told POS. So he promised to do for the child like his father did not do for him...blah blah blah.

Fast forward to 2007.

So for the last 3 weeks, Bubba has made plans with POS to visit and do things. First weekend POS had to work (not that I see fruits of his labor). Next weekend, POS forgot and went up north snowmobeling instead. This weekend, POS told Bubba he couldn't come over because he had to take his step-daughter to the daddy daughter dance that only lasts 3 hours.

I am so tired of seeing Bubba with a sad face because of being second fiddle to his new family with his wife. Bubba knows that her dad died and don't fault her for that, but he faults POS for doing this shit. Bubba knows how long a dance is. And knows it does not last for an entire weekend.

Having kids certainly did not make POS grow up. He just keeps depositing his ummm man seeds and having more kids. Bubba is 13, next one is 10, then he gets married, she has an 8 year old daughter. They have a son who is 3 and a new baby. Of course he doesn't have time for the older kids who don't live with him.

I know for a fact that he doesn't see Bubba or the 10 year old. The 10 year old sees my son all the time. He should have just been an anonymous sperm donor with no contact.

Superchick's Picture Game SPF

The game today is buttons. Well, here is my picture of a button. My baby showing her Tattoo above her belly button.

Thanks Dad

I heard a song today on my way to work.

Used to be sung by Elvis. Was one of my fathers favorite songs. Today it was sung by a country singer. Don't know who, doesn't matter either.

Suspicious Eyes.

Hit home today. I have been feeling alone and left out so to speak. Superdaddy talks to his buddies on the phone, when we talk, it is short and sweet. Regardless, jealousy will kill the wonderful relationship we need. Suspicious Minds.....

Thanks Dad. I needed that.

Almost 17 years ago she was smitten

This time of year sucks. It sucks bad.

This time 16 years ago there should have been a baby; a boy. Something is definitely off lately; perhaps all the time alone, perhaps Chicky turning 3, perhaps the talk of another baby in the future. Whatever the case may be, I miss that baby. I have been dreaming about him. He would be 16 this year; learning to drive. Superdaddy and I are back together today because of him. Because of a misunderstanding from a friend of ours about the said baby, we are together again.

I know a trip down “What If Lane” could be very dangerous. Well seems like the devil took me there and I have been there for some time now.

17 years ago, at the tender age of 15 there was a young girl who was smitten by an older boy; a boy like her dad; who stole her heart; who swept her off her feet; who caused her great happiness. One day she found out that there would be a little one. When her parents found out, they were furious and made the little one go away. This tore apart the girl and boy. With the help of her parents, they went their separate ways. Later that month, the results were in: it was a boy.

She went on to graduate high school just barely 18 years old and have Bubba. Working part time and going to college full time, that baby helped to fill a void at the time. Soon, that girl goes on to get married and have another baby. This time a girl Miss J. Thru painful trials and tribulation, the marriage ends after 5 1/2 years.

A mutual friend from a high school runs into her at work. Thru small talk, they discuss family, life after high school and well just plain life. A few months later, a letter arrives from superdaddy. With weak fingers and a fluttering heart, the letter is read. Said friend thinks Bubba is Angel baby from our relationship. He wants to talk. We get together and discuss family and life after relationship. He too has children; 3 beautiful girls to be exact. He too has been thru a painful relationship. Chatting and such led us back together and well, now there is another beautiful girl "Chicky". She will be 3 on Valentine’s day. The day for lovers. Coinsidence? I think not.

Why do I feel this way this time of year? A part of me is missing. I have 3 beautiful children and 3 beautiful step children and yet I yearn for Angel Baby. Perhaps it is because I only have 1 son. Perhaps it is because he only has daughters. Was his only chance to have a son lost 17 years ago?

Whatever the case may be, lately I am sad. Lately everything is off. Things will be off until I get out of “What If Lane”. Don’t get me wrong, we have been blessed beyond words; but lately my heart is heavy. I miss what could have been…