9th grade, that was a blast. Too bad for Bubba now, I already know the tricks. If mom only knew what I really did when she dropped me off at school, she would kill me. Superdaddy what the hell were we thinking? Your mom/step father would have killed us as well if he ever found out. I guess I don't understand how or why you quit coming around. I know what reason you gave and it makes perfect sense but it still hurt like a bitch. I guess forever meant unless parents interfered.
High school sucked without Superdaddy in it to be honest. When Bubba was conceived, it was even harder. I had to prove to myself that being a teenage mom would be ok and I would not fail like they expected me to. Hell I thought SD and I would stay together until I caught his pecker in another girl. I then wished I hadn't ever told him about the baby and part of me wishes he was not there to share in the birth of Bubba. That was precious time and he didn't deserve to be part of it. Perhaps things would have turned out different who knows. When Bubba had to have surgery, I wish I could have turned back the clock to never tell SD. I was absolutely disgusted that you brought your whore to the hospital with both of you stoned out of your mind to see him. I was there, studying for school finals and you and her were stoned. Proud parent of the year you were. Asshole. Should have clued me in then. Child support was the promise I kept to SD. It has been 14 years with out any financial support. You child knows that. He knows you care for the other kids even your second oldest M who you don't see. I don't regret it other than I could have banked it for Bubba's education. We did just fine without you SD. Your loss not mine. Saturday Bubba's revised birth certificate came in the mail. Saturday was "Adoption Day" at our home. Saturday, you officially were relieved of your "fatherly sperm donor" duties to our child. Saturday you became a no body in our home. I need to thank you for giving me a very handsome heart breaker of a son who will grow up to make some lucky lady very happy one day.
DA Lord have Mercy. I am still very angry at you DA. You were my rock. You helped me to be open and honest with myself. You showed me I mattered. You treated Bubba like your own child. You made a difference in his young life. What the hell happened? I will never forgive Billy and Louie for introducing you to the "ultimate high". I know they didn't put a gun to your head but still. I cannot help but wonder if you hadn't tried it how things would have turned out. You opened my eyes to many wonderful things. For that I am eternally grateful. You let me explore my wants and needs and that is who I am today. I am no longer afraid to try different things. You and I made a beautiful little girl. She was your world. Why did heroin take that away from you and her? I will never understand. Miss J turned 10 last week. I cannot help but remember the night she was born. We barley made it to the hospital. That was one night I know you were stone cold sober. I wish that was enough to help you stay clean but Lord knows it wasn't. When we married, I intended to be married for life not for a while. I am sorry that I was not able to save our marriage. I was not willing to place our family on the back burner to heroin and your addiction. Thank you for our beautiful baby girl. She misses you so much.
To be continued another day.
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