When it rains.......

SHIT!!!!!

It appears my BIL's house had a fire. Found a posting in Craigs list. UGGG!!

This is the middle brother not the one who hit my friends car. :(

It's Not His Job Anymore!!

Superdaddy is obviously a truck driver. American Axel is on strike for about a week now. My uncle works there. They supply GM with a lot of parts. Superdaddy delivers to GM. You see where this is going. They cancelled his load for tomorrow which means he came home last night. YEAH!!. They want to send him to Kansas City today. If they send him out he will not be home this weekend :(

PIA really is something else. Get this. In Michigan we got a pretty significant snow storm dumping 5 inches in our neck of the woods. Nothing compared to St. Louis' 10 inches. She had the balls to call Superdaddy yesterday. She wanted to know if he was in town. Why you ask? She needed her snow shoveled. She has 4 children (17 year old boy, 15 year old girl, 9 year old girl, 6 year old girl). What is wrong with them helping shovel? First born has a syndrome that if he over exerts himself, he will have heart problems. What is over exertion? Playing basketball? He does. He plays for the local parks and recreation, the y and the school. Why can't he shovel snow? What about 2nd born? She is a princess who expects everyone to take care of her. She refuses to help her mom. I guess my point is, IT IS NOT HIS JOB TO TAKE CARE OF HER ANYMORE!! THEY ARE DIVORCED!!

Ignorance drives me crazy

People think that February 28 must mean March 7 or something. PIA placed a cookie order and guess what? THERE ARE NO MORE COOKIES!! I have a "leader" that thinks she can turn in her money on March 7 instead of February 28 because she was out of town. The check for $9551.52 is going to bounce tomorrow if the 3 parents that have not paid yet do not pay. What the hell is wrong with people now a days? You took the damn cookies and collected the money PAY UP!! It is not my fault you spent the money, or was out of town. I paid mine on time people!!

Superdaddy decided to jump off the deep end and got another quad on Ebay. He is supposed to pick it up this weekend or next. Then his friend that used to drive at the same company as he did called today and is selling his quad. You guessed it. We have to come up with $395 for the one off of ebay and another $500 from his friend. Plus the down payment for the 5 acres of land that has to be paid by March 15 (another $500). The money tree we planted when we moved into the house still has not sprouted at our house (poor soil I'm guessing seeing how we are drowning in rain lately).

I wish the IRS would just look at our return and tell us how much PIA gets and how much we are not getting back that way we could just juggle a little bit. Money stresses me out to no end.

Closure

It is with heavy heart that I tell everyone that our pastor appreciated all of your prayers. It was the Lord's will to have his son join him as he walks in heaven. Today I ask you to pray for comfort and peace during this Lent for Pastor Roger and Mrs. Besty as they celebrate Gioseph's life and mourn their earthly loss.

RIP Gioseph; You are missed every day by your parents, siblings, and wife. God Bless and Keep you.

I think I am jealous

It is driving me nuts I tell ya. I think I am jealous of "Pat". How can I be jealous of someone I have never met? I think I am jealous of the time she spends on the phone with Superdaddy. I don't know. All I know is this...she was heading out of town and only a few miles behind him. They met up and had lunch and when he gassed up, she waited for him. She followed him until her turn off. He invited her and her children to come to our property to get away this summer. WTF? I guess it makes time go by when you have someone to talk to on the CB or whatever.

Last night I was thinking about this and asked myself how I would feel if it was a guy such as "John" meeting up with him. I have met "John" and he really is a whiney person. I think it is funny when they do cross paths because he sometimes gets annoyed by the whininess. When John calls on the phone however, I do get upset he calls on the weekend because it is my time.

I think I am jealous of someone I have never me :(

Open letter to the past

Dear Past,

Some days you are in the front of my mind more so than the present. Not a day goes by that I do not think of the stupid shit we did. It may sound like I have a lot of regrets, but on the contrary, I do not have very many. Some of the best times were had back than when we were young enough to not think of all the consequences of our actions. Now that I am older, the one thing that is obvious is that you shaped my life and who I am today. This time of year sucks really bad. This is the time of year that "What if Lane" seems to keep creeping up.

I still regret that mom found out about the baby just a little bit too soon. You know what that means, I would have a son who would be 18 coming up. Damn that makes me feel old. Who knows what would have become with SD and myself if he would have been born. Would I still have Bubba a few short years later? God has a plan for all of us and I believe he knew what he was doing all along. One of the most difficult days was my wedding day; the day MIL told me she always thought of me as a daughter in law. That I was one of the only girls Superdaddy dated that never claimed to be pregnant. I wanted to tell her that is because I was the only one who ended up pregnant with you. I remember where you were concieved and everything. I bet Superdaddy does too. Just know baby that your mamma and superdaddy loved you and wanted you more than anything in the world.

With everything that happened with DA I have only one regret. You opened my eyes to a whole new world of happiness and sorrow. I learned to love myself first and move forward from there. I just wish I was strong enough to put a stop to the using of drugs and save our friendship with Nanna and eventually save you. I do not regret moving on hoping you got your life together. I think when I showed you I was moving on with my life without you; you gave up on getting better. I am sorry. I think your sister has not forgiven me for your death. Miss J misses her dearly.

Nanna, I wish things didn't end the way they did the day you moved out. I have never forgotten you. I still think about you often. Wondering if things could have ended different. I know you were bitter and I hope you forgive me for that. I often wonder if you thought about the good times we had together. I know I do. I wish you nothing but happiness for the future.

That was pretty tedious. I will have to continue another day.

Family rambelings

In all fairness, MIL does not let Miss S see her mother either. She does however, let her stop by my mom's house occasionally. Figure that one out.

News on PIA front, The children Still do not have beds. You will recall back in January I bitched about the girls not having beds. Well it is officially 67 days and the children still do not have beds at PIA's house. I guess she told Superdaddy that her last surgery quit working and she needs to have surgery again. Wanna hear a funny??? The last surgery was a hysterectomy and gallbladder removal. What are they going to do this time? Put them back in? Can we all say Looser with a Capital L!!

Bubba discovered text messaging his phone. Well, we don't have text messaging service so each one costs $ 0.20. The child didn't think he over did the texting until he got busted with the new phone bill that indicated 339 text messages in 1 month. That doesn't include Feb 5 to present. He is so busted.

This is the last weekend for our troop to do cookie booth at the stores. I can hardly contain my excitement. Try to stay warm and have a great weekend.

The Story of S

S is my husband's oldest. When mom and dad were together, mom had an anger problem. She pulled a knife on Superdaddy when S was only 18 months old. Superdaddy called the police and mom left before the police arrived. The cops advised Superdaddy to go elsewhere for the night because if things go awry again, they both would be arrested. He took S and went to his mom's house down the street. They stayed there for a few weeks. S had to go to the doctor for her well baby check they had welfare insurance for her. MIL had a better idea. She could get BCBS on S if they gave MIL guardianship of her. MIL apporached mom and she signed the paperwork to give MIL limited guardianship. Superdaddy thought if it is just temporary he would follow suit. Shortly after, her mom came back into the picture and tried to make things work out to keep the family together. She got violent again and his mom called the cops. The police advised them both to leave and him to stay elsewhere again. When he went to take S with him, MIL pulled the "I HAVE GUARDIANSHIP" card and he couldn't leave with her.

He has just recently found out, he is not on S's birth certificate as her mother's ex-husband is listed. The corrected birth certificate was never made corrected. Technically, Miss S is not related to him. She will be 13 in August. That is the age in our state when the judge will listen to her. The problem we will run into is going to be a douzy. She has basically no rules at MIL's home. At our home, we have rules.

The other day when I was talking with S, she was telling me about failing math. She keeps getting suspended she said for not dressing in gym and not doing her homework. I asked her if she wanted to repeat the 8th grade and her response was "Grandma will not let that happen. She knows the teachers hate me." HUH? I asked her "well if you did the work, you wouldn't fail. It is not about the teachers hating you S it is about you doing your school work." Sounds to me like she is manipulating grandma like a fiddle.

Every parents worst nightmare

The pastor of our church shared with us Sunday that his son was missing since Wednesday. My heart hurts! His son is a heroin addict. Same as Miss J's father. Apparently a blast from the past found out where he was staying and started threatening his wife and mil. He came up with a brilliant plan apparently. He asked his wife to take him to work (without his work stuff) and he hasn't been seen since. The threatening phone calls have stopped as well. The demon's of addiction have gripped another family. So many deja'vu memories have flooded back. My ex had dealers leaving messages on my car and mentioning our kids. That is why I was leaving him. To be safe for my family. He was arrested instead. He overdosed 3 years ago. I hope and pray that our pastor's family does not have to go thru the heartache we did.

The teenage years

This is Miss S from about 2 years ago. I know she was younger but still. After the incident with BIL hitting my friends car, MIL pulled Miss S from our lives. It has been such a heartache on myself and Superdaddy to go through this.

Isn't she georgous in this picture. Makes me want to know what she is thinking about.
This is why my heart hurts. More sorts of pictures like this are in her photo album. I wish I could hug her and tell her everything would be ok.

Happy Birthday Chicky!

From this at about 1 year old to....

Beacuse 4 years ago today you decided to come into the world at dinner time; Happy Valentines Day Princess Chicky. Happy Birthday to you Goofus! I cannot wait to show your children you loved to play with wormies. You were the best valentines present mommy and daddy could have ever received. Today is your day princess. Loves you more than words can ever say.

This at 3 1/2 years old. Obviously not too recent as there is no fluffy white cold snow pictured here.

My heart hurts

I have a step-daughter who is absolutely beautiful. She lives with my MIL. She will be 13 in August. We have not seen her in a little over 2 years. I occasionally seen her at Girl scout functions. I seen her Tuesday. This is cookie time for our scouts. I was helping a mom load the cookies in her car and Miss S walked by my moms house. That is where the cookies are being stored. She stopped to talk. She was so exicted to talk. I miss that little girl (who is taller than I am) more than words. My heart wretched up when she left. She gave me her email and asked me to email her. She also asked me to look her up on myspace. This will open up a whole can of worms with my MIL I am sure. I looked her up Tuesday night. I added her as my friend. Her screen name made me sad. It had her name followed by (hates her life). Tears poured down my cheek. What the heck has happened to this little girl? Looking through her pictures and stuff there is stuff that says "created to be hated" "loved by one hated by most". Mood (depressed). What can I do being that she is not allowed to come by us and we cannot go by her house. Chicky misses Miss S so much. I have brewed anger towards MIL because of all that happened and I don't know if I can ever get over it. I fogive her, but I will never forget it. My heart is broken; I am so worried about Miss S. I couldn't sleep Tuesday or Wednesday night. My heart hurts.

The Talk

So the talk was had this weekend. The talk with Superdaddy. I told him how I felt about Pat calling all the time and such. I don't think he gets how it affected me so much. Like I said before, jealousy has never been an issue and I don't know where it was coming from; the insecurity that is. Things better start looking up from here.

Dad; Thanks for looking down on me and guiding me during this difficult time in life. I miss you so much. This picture is one my grandmother took of my father not too long before he passed. At least I know dad is looking down and watching over me and the kids.

Coincidence?

Our region is getting pounded with snow. Our kids had a snow day today and it appears the snow band missed our area and headed north. We only have about 2 inhes or so. Superdaddy left out yesterday before the beating began. I hope he made it as far as he needed to so he can make it home tomorrow morning. Part of me hopes he didn't make it as far as he needed to. Apprently, Pat is coming from the south and stops near where Superdaddy stops. She is there for her 10 hour break about 9 hours before Superdaddy. When he pulls in she is getting ready to leave. As Cynnie indicated in her comment she would be worried. Is that a coincidence they stop there? I don't know. My mind is playing games on me lately. I think Superdaddy and I need some alone time. So help me Lord, she better not call this weekend.

Perhaps I feel so insecure because of the neighborhood happenings. Who knows.

Speaking of neighborhood happenings. Last night there was a bike parked by a bush in front of my house across the street. Across the street is a brick wall and a few scattered bushes and trees for 1/4 of a mile. No homes. The bike stuck out like a sore thumb seeing how the bushes/trees are barrin from the winter. When I walked in from work, Bubba met me at the door asking if he can go next door and check it out. He thought he heard banging from the house. I told him to take "killer" with him just in case. Add that to the bike and what do you come up with? I didn't send him alone, I went through the front yard and sent him through the back yard. The window DPW boarded up is still boarded up.

The long story

The other driver I was talking about lets call her Pat. We will call her that because her real name could be either boy or girl as well. When Superdaddy started talking about Pat during school and a few others. He talked about how hard it would be for a mother to leave her kids to go with the company she was driving for because they do team driving for like 8 - 12 weeks when they start and don't get home time. I was so glad Superdaddy didn't go with them. One night when he started driving, November 2006, there was an encounter with a hooker at a rest area. He teased me that Pat stops there too and he should tell the lizard to go visit her. Ha ha. I know that he did end up there once same time she did. He was going to have her check out his truck (hers was old and raggedy) and she didn't wake up but did tell him some lady came a knocking.

Not long after that, Pat left the company she was with and joined where Superdaddy used to work. She is still there he tells me. Apparently, they discuss kids and stuff all the time. Like I know she has 2 boys that stay with her mom for some reason or other. She never talks about a guy. I know lesbian's can have children all they need is a sperm donor. I get that. Maybe she is bi? I know plenty of ladies that like both men and women. I get it trust me. Hell I support rainbow love. Been there done that. You cannot help who you fall in love or lust with.

Problem I have is this...Superdaddy is either home Saturday early am to Monday mid pm or late Friday pm and leaves Sunday mid pm. That gives me about 30 hours or so with him. I share my time with the kids. Why does she insist on talking to him during my time? So what she may still be running he tells her he is chillin at home. Why does he let her monopolize his time?

Warning Bitchfest in progress

I don't get it. How does someone think it is OK to call another woman's husband during his only time home with the family and monopolize his time? Superdaddy is home on the weekends. That is our precious time together. Our time to spend with each other and the kids. Not time for her to call him just to B.S. and gossip. Now before you think I got my panties in a twist let me explain.

She went to driving school with Superdaddy. Supposedly she is gay. Never met the woman. In fact a few times when she called and I answered she hung up (that was in the early days). She went to work for a different company than Superdaddy and hated it. Superdaddy got her in where he was working before he went to drive for his O.O. She calls him and he calls her when he is on the road. I can somewhat deal with that. But the weekends is my time. He tells her when she calls that he is home but they still talk. Not like 10 minutes but for like an hour about friends from school and how is run is doing. Saturday she asked him if his O.O. was hiring!?! Superdaddy doesn't get why I get upset. His attitude is he thinks she is gay; she sports rainbow pride stuff; and never talks about a significant other in either masculine or feminine. She has 2 kids from a previous. Apparently, she liked men at one point in time. P.S. I have never met her so I don't really know.



Why do I get upset when he talks to her during his time home with me? I know Superdaddy and I have a strong relationship and jealousy has not been an issue.

PIA let me tell you...that bitch is lucky we don't know where she lives. She moved how long ago...Go ahead and look back I will wait...DECEMBER 17, 2007 PIA moved with the girls. Today is January 28th and let me tell you something. The girls still do not have beds! The beds from her apartment are in storage. She must owe the storage money because the girls do not have beds. Something was said about getting her taxes back and just buying them new day beds. What have they been sleeping on? Ask and you may not like the answer...THE FLOOR one sleeps on the basement floor and one on the living room floor. Hell my kids have "camped" out on the floor before don't get me wrong, but count the days and tell me 42 days later they don't have a bed to call their own!

Snow Sucks!

For the record, I have been wanting snow for sometime now. It helps with the bitter cold by adding a tad bit of humidity to the air and making it less bitter. Also dying to try our xmas gift out. We got a snowmobile for each other to share. Too bad we couldn't afford one for each of us. Today driving to work was brutal and sitting in my office with a nice window view sucks!! Our 2 inches of snow has caused my headache of the morning spiral into a full blown migraine.

Chicky seems to have passed her germs from this weekend to me. Nice of her to share like I taught her but germs is something I would rather not have shared with her.

OH!!! Almost forgot to share some juicy gossip. Looks like looser SD (sperm donor) and his wife are loosing their home to for closure. Saw it listed on realtor.com for the nicely reduced price of $60,000 with the stipulation subject to short sale. They bought it 3 years ago for $95,000. Don't pay child support and still cannot afford your home. Damn shame.

Anxious Dog

Last night after I got home from work Bubba took the dog out. Then he went to my cousin's house for a few hours. Of course it is winter time during this freak out and it is dark by the time I get home from work. While Bubba was at T's house, our dog "killer" would not move away from the front door. As in not even to chase the cat around. The door was locked though (told ya I was creeped out). Needless to say, while I was making our healthy dinner of mac n cheese, I swear the screen door opened. No one knocked. Even the dog perked her ears up and looked at the door. She didn't bark though which indicated to me it was someone we knew (?Bubba?). After about 30 seconds, i opened the door and no one was there.

Damn dog slept on top of me last night. Like literally on top of me. She was trying her hardest to be really super close to me. I had to kick her off the bed a few times, but when I rolled over, there she was again.

Nothing happened thank God just to add to the creepiness that has been happening. For the record, the door to the house was not opened last night when I got home nor was it opened this morning when I left the house.

Somebody is watching me

Not that we are in a poor neighborhood or anything, but we are just outside the ghetto. By just outside, I mean we are like 3 city blocks away from it. Our neighborhood is mostly senior citizens who are passing away or going to nursing homes or wherever so renters are moving in. My mom's neighborhood which is less than a mile away is way rougher and "ghetto-fied". The point is I guess, I am not comfortable staying home alone now.

When Superdaddy started driving truck, I was having anxiety attacks. Things since have improved greatly. That is, until Saturday night. The house next to us was a renter when we moved in. They vacated about a year and a half ago. The owners were going to re-rent it out but decided to list for sale instead. It has been on the market for over a year. The housing market and job market in this state sucks.

Saturday, we were out pretty late. Hell 2 am or so. When we got home we noticed the front door at "Bob's" house was wide open. We flagged down a cop that was driving down the main road and had them check it out. They indicated no one was in there at that time and they locked it up but to call again if we noticed anything. Yesterday it was wide open again.

We have a G. Shepherd dog who is pretty petite. She is almost 6 years old and only weighs about 50lbs. She used to hang out at "Bob's" house when they lived there. Since they have moved out though she has only tried to go over there a few times. Since Xmas she has been traveling over there more and more. Pretty creepy if you ask me. Though we have not seen a person there, there appears to be "SQUATTERS" or kids playing over there.

Recent activities have made it so I don't feel safe with having the kids come home after school until grandma picks them up. I am totally wigged out at night. Superdaddy was startled enough to take a trigger lock off the 12g and leave some bird shot where I could find it. Better learn to sleep with my glasses on just in case.

Hell I better learn to shoot the damn gun.

Maturity & Camp...Nice Combo.

So last weekend 2 moms and I took our older 10 girl scouts to weekend camp. We had a great time. Unbeknownst to myself though, the 4th and 5th graders had "the talk" at school. for the 60 minute drive, we heard talks about starting their cycle and maxi pads. Miss J asked me to take her shopping to buy the pads just in case she needed them at school. I know some girls start early, but she will only be 10. In the girl scout spirit (be prepared) we went shopping and got pads and pantie liners. Believe it or not, she wore one all weekend I believe by the amount out of the package. Sheesh it is starting already. Just in case.

My co-worker and I discussed this whole maturity issue. Her daughter will be 12 and well, she is grossed out. Co-worker advised daughter to start using pantie liner just in case and daughter had a total melt down. She was not going to use that stuff it was nasty. Poor thing is really in for a rude awakening.