Its been a while

It has been a long while. Life has gone here and there. Things have changed and stayed the same. More on that subject in the near future.

yes he is still driving truck. yes PIA is still one. yes the kids are older.

I miss blog therapy and will be rejoining soon. In the near future.

Pops

I miss you more today than yesterday. In my heart forever.

Changes

So much has happened. He is over the road again. I am so lost trying to readjust to him not being home. Sigh

Happy Birthday J!

So yesterday was Miss J's birthday. She is 12. How did that happen? She was wishing dad was here with her. Of course we know that didn't happen.

We decided to make stuffed peppers and cabbage last night for dinner. Went to save-a-bunch store around the corner. There in the store was Eric and Brit. They are Miss J's nanny's children. They used to live with us when J was a baby. Good Lord they are grown and beautiful as ever. Small talk in the line at the store. Wow.

Taking the step-kids home and I went to K--mart by their house. Guess who was walking out while I was walking in....Anna their mother. Good Lord. Memories flooded with avengance. She is looking good. She had cancer while she lived with us. She was undergoing chemo and sick. When she was sick, I was taking care of her and while I was at work, she helped take care of the kids.

Long story short, she used drugs with my than husband. Complicated relationship we had. All of us had. A fire cracker she was.

She moved out right before my ex-husband went to jail. Ran across Brit on my space a while ago. Kind of looking from afar at the pictures and such. It has been almost 10 years! Still the feelings flood back quickly. Like seeing my high school sweetie (now hubby) for the first time in so long. Some memories so vivid.

Anyways....Then leaving K--mart the song Closer by N I N comes on the radio. My ex-husband's fav song. Tell me she didn't get her birthday wish. To have her dad near by in spirit.

Trust me....he was around.

Life

Still here...Still hanging on. PIA looks like they bid on a house. One that just might be big enough for the family. She just got word they accepted her bid. Hopefully this will be the very last time they move. The kids are less than thrilled about moving. Problem is that the last 3 houses she said they were buying. That was before her new beau. Speaking of beau...things have been so much more peaceful since they got married. She is still money hungry and trying to milk the rock of more money but all in all things have been so much nicer.

His job has been keeping him out more. For a little bit there, he was doing 2 out of town runs a week.

So back before Christmas, Bubba took our white car and wrapped it around a tree. New years eve he took my moms car and got caught. End of January he took my moms car again and got pulled over yet again. I had to tell the cop to arrest him or write him a ticket. Problem with the ticket is simply he doesn't work and we end up paying the ticket anyways. That sucks. To our knowledge he hasn't done it again. Then again, he snuck out 3 times before. We have been more cautious about leaving our car keys and wallets laying around.

Miss J will be 12 this weekend. Where has the time gone. Thumper is walking. Bubba is alive still (not sure how exactly see above). Miss G will be 11 next week. It amazes me how fast they are all growing up.

Will blog again soon.

Not Coping

Going through a difficult time. Just not Coping. Why me??

Lord Help Me!

Yesterday started out like any normal day. Running late for work as usual. Ended with a bang. Literally. Bubba (who does not quite have his license yet) took the car out of the driveway and smashed it into a tree. Superdaddy is going to kill him when he gets home and finds out. I haven't told him yet as he is on the road at work and there really is no point in raising his blood pressure unnecessarily.

We are all sick in our house. I haven't had a good night sleep in almost a week.

Christmas is a mere 2 days away. Things are bought, things are ready to be wrapped. There isn't enough time in the day.

God Bless and Merry Christmas to all.

Ugly

She finally came out that she is addicted. It got really ugly yesterday morning at her house. I am glad I came to drop off Thumper when I did. Things should start looking up from here for her.

Report cards came in. Why oh why is it that if my daughter gets 3 d's you scold her and find reason's she is not getting better grades? ie; babysitting. Why is it that your daughter who lives with PIA is happy she got 3 d's because she needs to try a bit harder you know switching schools again this year. My daughter has a learning disability. And she is lazy. What is your brilliant daughter's excuse? Her mother?

I wish my child could read better. I wish she didn't struggle. I also wish she would put forth half the effort she needs to in order to excel in the subjects she is good at. I wish she wasn't so lazy and had half the effort it needs to get her room cleaned. I also wish your children didn't think of my daughter as their maid. I wish they all would clean the bedroom. I thought splitting the girls up in the room would help. Looks like it hasn't done a darn thing.

Please quit holding the computer chair down and get off your behind and help. The holiday's are going to be hard enough with no money and quite frankly, a mother who is so depressed I cannot see straight. You sitting in the chair yelling about the house not being as tidy as you like it to be is just making it worse. Making me and the children not want to be around. Maybe you and PIA should live together so you can have your tidy house. Lets remember one thing; I have to work outside of my home; away from my children; so your POS ex wife can sit on her rear end and collect welfare and live in a tidy home. So tidy your children didn't get to decorate the tree because she wanted it done her way. So tidy your children's belongings are in storage or tossed out. So tidy your children don't clean up after themselves because she has nothing better to do than to pick up after them.

Maybe I should ask Santa for a maid....maybe I should ask PIA if she wants to come clean my house the way you like it.

Revelation

So I fell for the pity potty story. So she (see friend below) was wining about not having money for Thanksgiving dinner and they had plans to go to some one's house and that someone got sick. Now they wouldn't have dinner. I took food from my cupboard and gave to them. We were blessed to receive 2 turkeys for our family so I gave her one. I talked to her and asked how her dinner was...They went to parade downtown and then to her neighbor's mother's house for dinner. I asked what about the stuff I gave you on Monday (to ensure the turkey thawed)...She put turkey in freezer for Christmas. I am beyond angry.

I paid her for babysitting Thumper and the bank was closed on Friday and she called me screaming at me about the bank being closed and she has no money and how I screwed her over and I knew the bank was closed.

Give me a break. I am beyond pissed. I think I have to let go of the friendship.

How to help

I have a friend. She has been my friend since 10th grade. I graduated in 1993. We have been through a lot. Kids, divorces, you name it. She has had a problem in the past with popping pills. I hear through the grapevine she is at it again. Since her mother passed away a little over a year ago, she has burned through her inheritance. She is a SAH mom to two beautiful children. One who is almost 14 and the other who is 9. She got into trouble with the law a few years ago and work. Something about stealing co-pays and flu shots? Not exactly sure though, you know they only tell you what they want to. Personally, I think she did it. She claims her attorney told her to plead guilty for a reduced sentence because she could not prove she was innocent.

She asked me for a pain pill today. I gave her one of Superdaddy's. Her husband called me today. To tell me not to give her the payment for working the fundraiser a few weeks ago because she is burning through money on stupid shit. Like what I asked. PILLS. I was taken this morning. I told her husband I had given her one. He wasn't mad but asked me to not give her anymore. I guess she has been filling his prescription without his knowledge and he has no refills left for his pain pills now and when he needs one he is screwed.

What can I do besides not enable?

Stupid song!

What the heck is wrong with me? How can a simple song bring back so many vivid memories? Memories of you. Do you have memories? Do the memories make your heart flutter and pulse race?

I regret not keeping in touch with you. Do you regret this too?

I regret not being able to contact you now. How about you?

I regret not trying sooner. ??

So many memories. So hard to explain...until that song. Than it all flooded back in. Your lips, your smell, your tenderness, your forbidden-ness, the secret, the chase, the sneaking around, then the spoiler and surprise.

In a funk

It has been forever since I updated. Perhaps because I have been slipping into depression. Perhaps it is because everything that has been coming out of my mouth has been negative. Who knows.

Things are moving right along. Everyone in my home is healthy. I keep hearing more and more about the H1 flu and it is pretty scary. I work in health care and they are trying to influence us to get the vaccine. I am still on the edge about it for myself. If i get really sick who will help take care of the kids for me? Weighing the pros and cons of such a decision is taxing on my brain. I will get my flu shot today and probably get the H1 flu shot when it is available. I will not be doing the nasal mist under any circumstances. The shot is dead virus and the spray is live virus. I probably will not vaccinate the kids for either of them. I will only get mine because I need to be well to take care of them if they get sick (and in my job, if we get sick, we could realistically kill someone hence the reason they are pushing the vaccine).

Usually this time of year I have began my holiday shopping. I am so dreading it this year. This year we are pretty broke and we will be making most of the gifts.

Hope everyone is washing their hands and using lysol or sanitizer to stay healthy. Will be back soon.

Venting

I just don't get it. The economy is pretty crappy and people are, well people are broke. Myself included. I have a baby sitter. She is broke. She is a stay at home mom. I pay her decent money. I provide diapers, wipes, formula, baby food; everything. She is hot to get paid every week. Just the other day she was going on and on about being broke...They bought a fish tank off of Craigs.list for $100 because it was a steal. I cannot afford food and she can buy a fish tank. They just redid the inside of their house. Repainted, ripped out the carpet and put new carpet. In the kitchen, hall and living room put down laminate floor! And again, my freezer echos. She came from living on welfare as a child and not having food for snacks and such. We have canned food, and our church helps with commodit.ies so we don't starve. Our menu consists of a lot of pasta food while they eat steaks and such.

Back to the story...my son's boy scout troop was offered a great opportunity. To work as a not for profit organization and get a fund raising activity. Paying the troop for each person who works $10 an hour for working the festival. On a weekend directing traffic to parking spots! You know the flag people. Apparently this work is above her. Apparently, it makes more sense to complain about being broke and not get off your behind and do something about it. I'm sick and tired of hearing about it already.

Sit on your big behind and eat your steaks while complaining about no money while I work my tail off flagging traffic so my children can eat hot dogs and Ramon noodles and my house doesn't get foreclosed on and my utilities don't get shut off.

Summer

I cannot wait for school to start! We have had a pretty mild winter thus far. The kids are having a marvelous time and have not killed each other at home. Thumper is growing up so fast. She has 2 teeth with 2 more coming any day now. Things on PIA front have been surprisingly quiet. She keeps pawning the children on us every single chance she gets though. Not too surprising there.

Brother in law and Sister in law are not coming to stay. For sure. BIL tried to fight Superdaddy 2 weekends ago and than disappeared in middle of the night. I assume he went to my other BIL's house. Cannot seem to get Father in law to answer the phone to verify. That is totally OK with me.

I heard through grapevine that min Mother in law lost her home to foreclosure. Due to helping BIL out. Pretty sad. 2 years ago the house was paid for with no mortgage. Now this. I drove by the other day and the yard was EMPTY. Didn't see in the house but there was curtains on the windows.

Have a blessed week. Lord knows I need a vacation!

Peanut News!

If you are on my face book you know I have a friend who was pregnant and due October. She had her baby Monday at 28w5d. Lil peanut was 2lbs 14oz. She is doing really well from what I gather. She is only on Cpap and a pic line with tube feedings. Mom is doing better. She was not doing so well at birth obviously. They did an emergency c-section. I got to see peanut yesterday after work. She is so tiny. I cannot get over how tiny her head is...about the size of an apple. Today peanut's mom asked me if I was coming to visit. She wanted to know if I wanted to hold the baby. What the heck do you do with a baby so small? I know she won't break but still!!

Her poor daughter is in Ohio and doesn't know yet. I got one up on her lol. Daughter C is in my girl scout troop. Daughter K is in Ohio too. I never met her though. Daughter M is gonna give her momma a run for her money. She is only 8 months old and hell on wheels I tell ya. She just found her crawling legs and there is no stopping her now.

I hope I can find my camera cable so I can post a picture of precious Peanut.

I have so much going on this weekend with Superdaddy's birthday Saturday, Bubba's presentation Saturday, and Thumper's baptism Sunday. My brother will be flying in tomorrow night for the festivities. Hope to have some great pictures to share soon.

Take care and behave!!

Humbled

Superdaddy has been talking about wanting to make himself more "available" job wise. He and I have talked about getting his hazmat license. There have been a lot of job postings in our area for tanker haulers. We have talked about him getting his tanker permit as well as his doubles permit. I wouldn't mind if he had his tanker permit as long as he didn't haul gas or fuel. For the reason below.

That happened about 7 miles from my house. The smell is still in the air even by my house. The girls and I watched the news after hearing about it from family who was concerned we might want to travel I-75 from scout camp. Absolutely horrifying story. Details were sketchy last night (obviously). I was a little peeved though to read on Face.book from a friend of mine precisely "That is why irresponsible drivers become truck drivers. They really need to go to school longer. They run red lights and don't care just because they are bigger than everyone else." Talk about my blood pressure boiling!!

Superdaddy and I cannot be in the same vehicle if I am driving and he is being chauffeured around. He doesn't like how I drive now apparently since becoming a driver. Drives me insane.

I will update on family happenings tomorrow or later today.

My worst fear

Tanker Explodes On I-75 In Hazel Park
Explosion Causes Bridge To Collapse

POSTED: Wednesday, July 15, 2009
UPDATED: 8:50 am EDT July 16, 2009

HAZEL PARK, Mich. -- A two mile stretch of Interstate 75 remians closed in both directions at 9 Mile Road in Hazel Park after a tanker exploded. Police said the tanker rolled over on the northbound lanes of the freeway shortly after 8 p.m. "It was like armageddon. It was crazy," said Autumn. "I was laying in bed and heard a big explosion and saw smoke everywhere."

Watch: RAW VIDEO: Tanker ExplosionImages: Tanker Explosion

Police said a 27-year-old driver of a car lost control while driving about 70 miles per hour along a curve and collided with the tanker.

"This truck veered off to the right. It looks like it might have been cut off," said witness Troy. "Then there was this fireball. Then there was explosion after explosion after explosion."
Police said the flames caused the Nine Mile Road bridge over I-75 to collapse.

Three people suffered minor injuries.

A contractor is expected to be named shortly for repair work to begin. A crane will need to be brought in to lift the overpass.

Hazel Park firefighters are standing by in case any hot spots remain.
The tanker is reported to have been carrying around 9,000 gallons of fuel. Utility companies expressed concern over a natural gas pipeline that runs in the general area. DTE Energy said 2,000 customers are without power due to the accident. Department of Transportation officials are assessing the damage. There is no word on when I-75 will reopen. The eastbound I-696 ramp to northbound I-75 has reopened. However, the Nine Mile service drive remains closed.
Drivers are being urged to use Woodward Avenue as an alternate route.

Original story posted here.

All in a days work

I have an Eagle Scout. Officially he will be presented and celebrated July 25. I am so proud of him. How much he has matured over time. Yeah I know, the kid will be starting drivers education Monday. How the heck did that happen?

The kiddo's will be out of school next week. Another summer with bored children. haha. I hope we can find something to keep them busy every day.

Superdaddy is still working at his job thank heavens. We are trying to adjust to having 1/3 of a paycheck that he used to have. Hopefully things will iron out soon.

New job brings him home everyday but once a week. Part of me misses him being gone all week. Talk about feeling guilty about it. I wish some days he would be gone a few more days. Never mind him having to drive to and from work everyday and gas prices are going up and up again. Our grocery bill is going up. I used to package food for me and the kids for the week, and package family packs for the weekends. Well to be honest, for the first time in almost 2 months, it is time for the grocery store. Never mind I go almost weekly for bread and dairy products. Our freezer has never been so empty. Can almost holler into it and have an echo back.

I know I am so thankful that PIA has gotten married. She is so preoccupied with her new hubby that she is finally leaving my hubby alone. Last weekend she tried to dump kids on Superdaddy but he was out of town for work and told her to call me. No phone call so I was let off the hook.

Hope everyone is ready to have a wonderful summer. I know I am.

Eagle Scout?

My brain is fried. My anxiety level is so very high. I have forgotten to mention a "good anxiety peaker". Bubba has his "Eagle Board of Review" today. HOLY CRAP!!!

I almost have an Eagle scout at my house!

Anxiety my friend

Looks like I'm gonna be a mom again.

Sigh



Superdaddy's little brother will be staying with us for a little while. He wants to go to school and get his diploma and such. He is 18 and I am clueless!!! I have an almost 16 year old. I don't know how I will cope with an 8 year old.

Oh yeah, and his 14 year old sister will be staying with us for the summer. She is the one I wrote about last summer.

Yeah 2 more mouths to feed. 2 more people's laundry. I am not dealing well right now. My anxiety level is beyond peeked.